Money for nothingWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Money for nothing
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Greed -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Swindlers and swindling -- Fiction
Through the open window the sounds and scents of summer poured in, but
it is unlikely that Chimp Twist was aware of them. He was a man who
believed in concentration, and his whole attention now was taken up by
the remarkable facts which his old acquaintance and partner was placing
before him.
The latter's conversation on the telephone some two hours ago had left
Chimp Twist with an open mind. He was hopeful, but cautiously hopeful.
Soapy had insisted that there was a big thing on, but he had reserved
his enthusiasm until he should learn the details. The thing, he felt,
might seem big to Soapy, but to Alexander Twist no things were big
things unless he could see in advance a substantial profit for A. Twist
in them.
Mr. Molloy, concluding his story, paused for reply. The visitor gave
his moustache a final twist, and shook his head.
"I don't get it," he said.
Mrs. Molloy straightened herself militantly in her chair. Of all
masculine defects, she liked slowness of wit least; and she had never
been a great admirer of Mr. Twist.
"You poor, nut-headed swozzie," she said with heat. "What don't you
get? It's simple enough, isn't it? What's bothering you?"
"There's a catch somewhere. Why isn't this guy Carmody able to sell the
things?"
"It's the law, you poor fish. Soapy explained all that."
"Not to me he didn't," said Chimp. "A lot of words fluttered out of
him, but they didn't explain anything to me. Do you mean to say there's
a law in this country that says a man can't sell his own property?"
"It isn't his own property." Dolly's voice was shrill with
exasperation. "The things belong in the family and have to be kept
there. Does that penetrate, or have we got to use a steam drill? Listen
here. Old George W. Ancestor starts one of these English families
going--way back in the year G.X. something. He says to himself, 'I
can't last forever, and when I go then what? My son Freddie is a good
boy, handy with the battle axe and okay at mounting his charger, but
he's like all the rest of these kids--you can't keep him away from the
hock shop as long as there's anything in the house he can raise money
on. It begins to look like the moment I'm gone my collection of old
antiques can kiss itself good-bye.' And then he gets an idea. He has a
law passed saying that Freddie can use the stuff as long as he lives
but he can't sell it. And Freddie, when his time comes, he hands the
law on to his son Archibald, and so on, down the line till you get to
this here now Carmody. The only way this Carmody can realize on all
these things is to sit in with somebody who'll pinch them and then salt
them away somewheres, so that after the cops are out of the house and
all the fuss has quieted down they can get together and do a deal."
Chimp's face cleared.
"Now I'm hep," he said. "Now I see what you're driving at. Why couldn't
Soapy have put it like that before? Well, then, what's the idea? I
sneak in and swipe the stuff. Then what?"
"You salt it away."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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