"I went into a public house one day," he said; "I had ridden horseback
six leagues without dismounting, and was naturally very tired. I walked
into the common-room, and threw myself into an easy-chair near the
fireplace. But as I sat down, a piercing shriek escaped me. Everybody
crowded around me: 'What is it, monsieur? what's the matter? what has
happened to you?'--But I could only point to my posterior, saying: 'I
don't know what I sat down on, but I am wounded--badly wounded!'--The
hostess wanted to look and see what it was--she wanted to dress the
wound. She was a bright-eyed hussy, with a buxom figure. I would gladly
have done as much for her, if she had been wounded. But the husband
interposed, considering the location of the wound. He declared that he
was the only one of the family who ought to meddle with it. Well, they
investigated.--I had sat down on a nail, a huge carpenter's nail. How
did it happen to be there--with the point up? That is something nobody
could explain. But the important thing was to remove it. The landlord
couldn't do it. He sent for a locksmith with his pincers, and he had
such hard work pulling the infernal spike out of my rump, that, when he
did get it out, it looked more like a corkscrew than a nail!"
The bald party made no other comment on this story than a low grunt, and
continued to read his newspaper.
Cherami scrutinized him for some minutes, saying to himself: "Where in
the devil have I seen that phiz? I can't remember, but this certainly
isn't the first time that I have had the misfortune to meet this
bald-headed boor.--It seems that the story of my nail didn't affect you,
monsieur?" he said aloud to his neighbor, who was stirring his grog.
"I paid very little attention to it, monsieur. When I am reading the
paper, I am engrossed by my reading."
"And you believe everything you find in it, I suppose?"
"Why not, monsieur?"
"Ah! I should judge that you were quite capable of it!--But you don't
know how to fix your grog, monsieur."
"What! I don't know how to fix my grog?"
"No, not at all. You keep stirring and stirring; but you don't crush the
piece of lemon-peel with your spoon and squeeze out the juice."
"How does it concern you, monsieur, whether I crush my lemon-peel or
not? If it suits me to drink my grog like this, am I not at liberty to
do it?"
"Oh! to be sure! I give you good advice--you don't want it. As you
please! I'll bet that you're looking through the advertisements in the
paper to find something to make the hair grow?"
"No, monsieur. Let me tell you that if I wanted hair, I could have as
much as anybody."
"I don't doubt it, with your money; you could wear three wigs, one on
top of another; that would give you a superb head of hair!"
"But I don't like artificial things, monsieur; I detest what is false!
The truth before everything!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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