“Heavens!--in fact-nothing!” said she, “for this is a declaration of
friendship, I suppose--and your friendship gives me much pleasure.”
He let go her arm at once, and in a hoarse and angry voice said--“I am
not your friend!”
“What are you then, Monsieur?”
Her voice was calm, but she recoiled a few steps, and leaned against
one of the trees which bordered the road. The explosion so long pent up
burst forth, and a flood of words poured from the young man’s lips with
inexpressible impetuosity.
“What I am I know not! I no longer know whether I am myself--if I am
dead or alive--if I am good or bad--whether I am dreaming or waking.
Oh, Madame, what I wish is that the day may never rise again--that this
night would never finish--that I should wish to feel always--always--in
my head, my heart, my entire being--that which I now feel, near you--of
you--for you! I should wish to be stricken with some sudden illness,
without hope, in order to be watched and wept for by you, like those
children--and to be embalmed in your tears; and to see you bowed down
in terror before me is horrible to me! By the name of your God, whom
you have made me respect, I swear you are sacred to me--the child in the
arms of its mother is not more so!”
“I have no fear,” she murmured.
“Oh, no!--have no fear!” he repeated in a tone of voice infinitely
softened and tender. “It is I who am afraid--it is I who tremble--you
see it; for since I have spoken, all is finished. I expect nothing
more--I hope for nothing--this night has no possible tomorrow. I know
it. Your husband I dare not be--your lover I should not wish to be. I
ask nothing of you--understand well! I should like to burn my heart at
your feet, as on an altar--this is all. Do you believe me? Answer! Are
you tranquil? Are you confident? Will you hear me? May I tell you what
image I carry of you in the secret recesses of my heart? Dear creature
that you are, you do not--ah, you do not know how great is your worth;
and I fear to tell you; so much am I afraid of stripping you of your
charms, or of one of your virtues. If you had been proud of yourself, as
you have a right to be, you would be less perfect, and I should love you
less. But I wish to tell you how lovable and how charming you are. You
alone do not know it. You alone do not see the soft flame of your large
eyes--the reflection of your heroic soul on your young but serene brow.
Your charm is over everything you do--your slightest gesture is engraven
on my heart. Into the most ordinary duties of every-day life you carry a
peculiar grace, like a young priestess who recites her daily devotions.
Your hand, your touch, your breath purifies everything--even the most
humble and the most wicked beings--and myself first of all!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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