"I will, it is already settled, and I know you will like it. Is there no
other wish to be granted, no doubt to be set at rest, or regret withheld
that I should know? Tell me, Sylvia, for if ever there should be
confidence between us it is now."
As he spoke the desire to tell him of her love for Adam rose within her,
but with the desire came a thought that modified the form in which
impulse prompted her to make confession. Moor was both sensitive and
proud, would not the knowledge of the fact mar for him the friendship
that was so much to both? From Warwick he would never learn it, from her
he should have only a half confidence, and so love both friend and wife
with an untroubled heart. Few of us can always control the rebellious
nature that so often betrays and then reproaches, few always weigh the
moment and the act that bans or blesses it, and where is the life that
has not known some turning-point when a fugitive emotion has decided
great issues for good or ill? Such an emotion came to Sylvia then, and
another temptation, wearing the guise of generosity, urged her to
another false step, for when the first is taken a second inevitably
follows.
"I have no wish, no regret, nothing but the old doubt of my unstable
self, and the fear that I may fail to make you happy. But I should like
to tell you something. I don't know that you will care for it, or that
there is any need to tell it, but when you said there should be
confidence between us, I felt that I wanted you to know that I had loved
some one before I loved you."
He did not see her face, he only heard her quiet voice. He had no
thought of Adam, whom she had known so short a time, who was already
bound; he only fancied that she spoke of some young lover who had
touched her heart, and while he smiled at the nice sense of honor that
prompted the innocent confession, he said, with no coldness, no
curiosity in voice or face--
"No need to tell it, dear. I have no jealousy of any one who has gone
before me. Rest assured of this, for if I could not share so large a
heart with one who will never claim my share I should not deserve it."
"That is so like you! Now I am quite at ease."
He looked down at her as she went beside him, thinking that of all the
brides he had ever seen his own looked least like one.
"I always thought that you would make a very ardent lover, Sylvia. That
you would be excited, gay, and brilliant at a time like this. But you
are so quiet, so absorbed, and so unlike your former self that I begin
to think I do not know you yet."
"You will in time. I am passionate and restless by nature, but I am also
very sensitive to all influences, personal or otherwise, and were you
different from your tranquil, sunshiny self, I too should change. I am
quiet because I seem in a pleasant state, half-waking, half dreaming,
from which I never wish to wake. I am tired of the past, contented with
the present, and to you I leave the future."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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