fault in his wife, but he did not love her. She could not understand his
resolution to take upon himself his brother’s debts, and she thought the
price he paid for the house was excessive, as indeed it was. She was a
good manager, but without imagination. He was rejoicing, in her
presence, one spring morning that he had been wakened by the clamour of
the rooks with which he had been familiar ever since he was a boy, and
her reply was that an estate equal in value to his own and possessing a
bigger rookery had been offered him for less money by one-third than he
had thrown away. Unfortunately it is not in management or morality that
we crave companionship. It is in religion and in the deepest emotions
that we thirst for it. Gradually he became wretched, and life was almost
unbearable. She took no pleasure in the ancient place and its beautiful
garden, he never asked her to admire them, and there was neither son nor
daughter to inherit his pious regard. At this point I was obliged to
introduce the _Deus ex machina_, and the wife died. The widower sought
out his first love; she had never wavered in her affection to him; they
were married, had children, and were happy.
My tale was a youthful blunder. It was not really a tale. I introduced,
in order to provide interest, all sorts of accessories—aunts, parsons,
gamekeepers, nurses, a fire and some hairbreadth escapes, but they were
none of them essential and they were all manufactured. The only parts
not worthless were those which were autobiographical.
One of them I remember very well, although my MS. was burnt long ago. I
believed then that Nature is not merely beautiful, but that she can speak
words which we can hear if we listen devoutly, and that if personality
has any meaning she is personal,
‘The guide, the guardian of the heart and soul.’
Towards the end of an autumn afternoon I had rambled up to the pillar
which was a landmark to seven counties. It was wet during the morning,
but at five o’clock the rain ceased and a long, irregular line of ragged
cloud, dripping here and there, stretched itself above the opposite hills
from east to west. Underneath it was a border of pale-golden, open sky,
and below was the sea. The hills hid it, but I knew it was there. I was
hushed and reassured. When I got home I transferred my emotion to my
deserted heroine, and tears blotted the paper. But it was a mere
episode, without connection and, in fact, an obstruction.
I sent my manuscript to a publisher and need hardly say that it was
returned as unsuitable. I tried two others, but with no success. The
third enclosed a copy of his reader’s opinion. Here it is:—
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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