Mornings at Bow Street: A Selection of the Most Humorous and Entertaining Reports which Have Appeared in the 'Morning Herald'Wight, J. (John)
General
Mornings at Bow Street: A Selection of the Most Humorous and Entertaining Reports which Have Appeared in the 'Morning Herald'
Wight, J. (John)
Crime -- England -- London
Our three prisoners strutted into the box department at the English
Opera-house, on the preceding night, at half price, and _half seas
over_--whether with cape, black strap, or blue ruin, did not appear. Two
of them were _particularly half seas over_, viz.--Mr. Bob Briggs, and Mr.
Simeon Buck;--the other, Mr. Frederic William Diggles, was but so so. They
first addressed themselves to the dress circle, when Mr. Bob Briggs, a
slight-made, half-grown, flaxen-haired youth, instead of waiting for the
box-keeper to open the door of the box in which he wished to make his
_début_, set about kicking it with all his might. What gentleman of spirit
would waste his breath in bawling for a box-keeper, when his own foot,
well applied to the door, must inevitably compel the "spooneys" within to
open it?--And so it turned out; some of the quiet ones within, hearing
such a magnificent thundering, did open it; and Mr. Bob Briggs was just
setting himself to make his _entrée_, room or no room, when one of the
box-keepers came up and assured him the box was full, at the same time
endeavouring to close the door again. "What d'ye mean by that, ye
_rascal_!" cried Mr. Bob Briggs, "is that the way to treat a _gentleman_?"
"Sir," said the box-keeper, "I mean no offence, and if you will walk this
way I will endeavour to find you a seat upstairs." "Up stairs be d----d!"
retorted Mr. Bob Briggs, "I shall go in here, come what come may, as old
what's his name says; so come along, Sim Buck!--_Hiccup._" They instantly
tried to force themselves into the box; the box-keeper and the company
tried to keep them out; the constable was called; and, with some ado, he
prevailed upon them to relinquish their attempt upon that particular box.
But Mr. Constable had scarcely let them go, when the hubbub was renewed;
and turning back, he found they had got the box-keeper up in a corner, and
were trying, as he said, "to squeeze their money out of him;"--for they
had made up their minds to stick to the dress circle, and since there was
no room for them in the dress circle, they insisted upon having their
half-crowns back again--"_so fork out the blunt_, you little rascal!"
There was a great row; the entrance to the lobby was blocked up; the
constable again interfered: Mr. Simeon Buck collared the constable; the
constable collared Mr. Simeon Buck; Mr. Frederic W. Diggles caught hold of
Mr. Simeon Buck's coat tail, and tried to pull him away from the
constable; the constable only held him the faster, determined to send him
to the watch-house; and there was poor Mr. Simeon Buck, see-sawing
backwards and forwards, with the constable pulling away at his neck, and
Mr. Frederic W. Diggles at his tail, for nearly ten minutes; whilst Mr.
Bobby popped about the lobby like a pea upon a tobacco-pipe; squeaking for
help, and wishing all contumacious constables, and "blackguard
box-keepers," at the very _diable_! At length the constable prevailed, and
Mr.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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