Samuel Cooper, it appears, went out to ruralise one fine sunny day, and having strolled as far as Mortlake, he called upon a friend of his, a little fat man in a brown bob wig, who keeps a little shop in the neighbourhood of that village. It is a sweet little cottage, with a little garden in front of it, well stored with potherbs, "gilli-flowers gentle and rosemarie;" and has a little wicket gate opening to the road. His bob-wigg'd friend was _mighty_ glad to see him, and invited him to stay to dinner; an invitation which was gladly accepted, for Samuel Cooper was come out to make a day of it. They had a dish of very nice beans and bacon for dinner--broad Windsors, and a prime cut of gammon; and having chatted an hour or two, and finished a couple of pots of mild porter, Samuel Cooper walked out into the little garden in front of the cottage, and leaned over the little wicket-gate, enjoying the beauties of the prospect and a lovely evening, whilst his bob-wigg'd friend was busied with some little matters in his shop. As Samuel Cooper was thus leaning over the gate--pondering, no doubt, on the possibility of getting back to _Vitechapple_, without paying coach-hire--he was aware of two ladies coming along the lane. One of these ladies was a considerable distance behind the other; and when the foremost of them came nearly opposite to the place where Samuel Cooper stood, she stooped--apparently without seeing him--and began rectifying the lace of one of her boots, which appeared to have got loose in walking. Now, whether Samuel Cooper is a man prone to gallantry, or whether the delightful evening, the beans and bacon, and the mild porter, opened his heart more than usual, we know not--but so it was, that when he saw the lady stoop, and begin doing something at her foot, he suddenly called to her, "Shall I tie up your boot-lace for you, Ma'am?" Unlucky Samuel Cooper! The words had scarcely passed his lips when the lady raised herself, looked round for a moment, gave a loud shriek, and ran off down the lane with the speed of an antelope--followed by the loitering lady whom Samuel had seen in the distance. Samuel Cooper looked after them as they ran, and smiled to think that women should be so "_timmersome_." But he soon had cause to smile on the other side of his mouth, as it were; for in the next moment Captain F---- rushed into the garden, exclaiming, "You rascal! how dare you insult a lady?" and before the astonished Samuel could reply, he received the gallant Captain's clenched fist full on the centre of his nose, and down he went--all amongst his bob-wigg'd friend's gilliflowers! The Captain then walked away; and the luckless Samuel gathered himself up, leaned his head over the wicket-gate, and there he stood bleeding for more than half an hour, bemoaned both by himself and his bob-wigg'd friend.