This was the violence he complained of. He assured his worship that he had not the most distant idea of insulting the lady, and he was utterly astonished at the consequences that ensued. "Thou shalt be punished for thus frighting me, A _woman_, naturally born to fears; And though thou now confess thou didst but jest, With my vex'd spirits I cannot make a truce, But they will quake and tremble all this day,"-- said Lady Constance to William Longsword, Earl of Salisbury, when he merely told her there was a wedding in hand; and what would she have said had the noble Earl startled her with such an offer as Samuel Cooper's? But, may be, honest Samuel has tied up the boot-laces of many a buxom lass at _Vitechapple_, and he thought he might do the same kind service for the ladies at Mortlake. Ah! simple Samuel Cooper! The whole of his statement, as far as the Captain was concerned, was fully substantiated by his bob-wigg'd friend, whose garden had been watered, as it were, with Samuel's innocent blood; and then, Captain F---- was called upon for his defence. The gallant Captain gave a rather different account of the affair: and took off something from Samuel's veracity. The Captain said his wife and sister had gone to visit a friend at some distance on the afternoon in question, and some time afterwards he set out with the intention of meeting and accompanying them home; but a sudden shower coming on, he took shelter in the house of a brother officer on the road. Whilst he remained there, he saw his wife and sister pass by, and he was just preparing to follow them when he heard his wife shriek. Rushing instantly from the house, he met both the ladies running back again with great trepidation and alarm. He hastily inquired what was the matter. They told him as hastily, that they had been grossly insulted by the complainant, Samuel, who still stood chuckling at the gate. He naturally felt very angry, and immediately went up to Samuel, and taking him gently by the lappel of his coat, he said to him, "Now my good fellow, unless you make an apology to the ladies, for your insult, I certainly will chastise you." "Boo!"--said the boorish Samuel--"I'll see 'em d--d first!" and as he said this he threw his arms up in such a manner that his elbow struck the Captain on the chin; whereupon the Captain knocked him down, as above stated; and he submitted that any other man would have done the same under the same circumstances. The magistrate viewed the matter in the same light. He told Samuel, his conduct to the lady was extremely impertinent; and his manner, when remonstrated with, grossly insolent; and therefore he should discharge the warrant, leaving him to seek his remedy at the Quarter Sessions, if he thought proper. Samuel stared, and appeared inclined to reply, but seeing it was useless, he left the office in silence, wondering more than ever; and his bob-wigg'd friend slowly followed him. JEMMY SULLIVAN.