Mr. Ellerbach entered upon his reply in a mild tone of impassioned eloquence; he admitted having eaten the lamb and cauliflower, and also that he took it on _tick_--not because he lacked the means of paying for it, even to the uttermost farthing;--but because he had a counter-claim upon the complainant for making him a toilinet waistcoat, which he, the complainant, alleged was a _misfit_, and therefore disputed the payment. Things were in this state, when he, the defendant, sent to complainant's shop for some cold roast beef and pickled cabbage, intending to eat it for his supper, and, to his immense amazement, the messenger returned, stating that complainant not only refused to send it, but had actually threatened to make pickled _cabbage_ of him (the defendant), unless he immediately paid for the lamb and cauliflower. This allusion to _cabbage_ he very naturally took as a reflection--a vulgar reflection upon his profession as a _tailor_, and he, therefore, went to his shop in person, to know what he meant by _pickling_ him. But he had scarcely entered the doors, when he found complainant and his surbordinate cooks all up in arms against him. Complainant called him a scoundrel, and ordered him to depart, without giving him time to demand the explanation he came for; and whilst he was endeavouring to obtain a hearing, one of the cooks made "a contemptuous and rather indecent sort of noise with his mouth;" which so exasperated him, that he certainly did strike the offending cook upon the offending organ; and in so doing he thought himself fully justified. In conclusion, he said, though the cook might have lost a little blood by the blow, and even, perhaps, an odd tooth or so, yet he, himself, at the same time knocked the skin off his own knuckles against cookey's teeth, and strained his thumb so, that he was obliged to carry it in a sling; and therefore he submitted that the assault account ought to be considered as balanced. The magistrate, however, was of a different opinion, and ordered him to find bail for his appearance to answer it at the sessions. Thus, though the cook failed to _pickle_ the tailor, the tailor contrived to place himself in pickle--and in such a pickle as probably _cured_ him of his pugnacious propensities. THE TWO AUTHORS. A man of six feet in height, of seedy exterior, and most melancholious physiognomy--principal contributor of bawdry and balderdash to the "Rambler's Magazine;" sixpence-a-sheet translator of the "Adventures of Chevalier Faublas," _et cetera, et cetera, et cetera_--was brought up in custody, to show cause why he should not be prosecuted for obtaining money under false pretences from one Mr. Robert Wedderburn--tailor and breeches-maker, field-preacher, radical reformer, romance-writer, circulatory-librarian, and ambulatory dealer in drugs, deism, and demoralisation in general.