The magistrate observed, that it was not the custom in this country to say one thing and mean another-- "Vera true--your worship," replied the smiling professor with a low bow--"but John Bull say many things he does not mean, for all that." His worship smiled also, and did not take the trouble of refuting the slander; and the matter ended in the professor and another friend of Mons. Flament becoming sureties to the parish on his behalf. UNREQUITED LOVE. Mr. Peter Twig--a venerable, rosy-gilled Greenwich pensioner, was charged with having created a great riot and disturbance in and about the attic residence of Mrs. Margaret Muggins; and with having threatened to beat the said Margaret Muggins to a mummy, under pretence of being _in love_ with her. It appeared that Mrs. Muggins--having lost her husband, and being short of money and one leg, was some time an inmate of the parish workhouse; and there she was first seen by Mr. Peter Twig, who no sooner saw her than he felt he was a lost old man, unless he could make Mrs. Muggins his own. He therefore determined to get himself admitted an inmate of the workhouse--for even the walls of a workhouse cannot hold love out; "and what love can do, that dare love attempt." He succeeded in getting into the house, and he succeeded in getting into the good graces of Mrs. Muggins. He told her of the battles in which he had fought--all on the roaring sea: he spoke to her of land perils, and water perils; of fire, and smoke, and grape-shot, and the miseries of six-water grog; and he expatiated on the splinter that knocked off a piece of his nose; and Mrs. Muggins was moved. "She loved him for the dangers he had seen, and he loved her"--because, as he said, he couldn't help it. So they eloped together from the workhouse, and took shelter in a three-pair back,[25] and there they fostered their venerable loves with gin and jugg'd jemmies[26] for three entire weeks. But, before the end of the fourth week, Peter's pension-money, and Mrs. Muggins's love, were all exhausted, and in spite of his tears and entreaties she left him, and went to reside with her married daughter. Poor Peter was inconsolable. He tried to drown his sorrows in max-upon-tick,[27] but it would not do; for his credit was little, and his sorrows were large, and at length he resolved to move Mrs. Muggins to pity him by casting himself at her _foot_. But Mrs. Muggins had a heart as hard as any rock, and she would not see him; and he laid himself down at the threshold of her apartment, and wished the door at the devil! So he-- "Built him a willow cabin at her gate, And called upon his love within the house-- Making the babbling gossip of the air Cry out--Meg Muggins!"