Gordon Makimmon was conscious of an overwhelming desire to flee from the
white grimace on the bed that had been Lettice's and his. He drew back, in
a momentary, abject, shameful cowardice; then he forced himself to
return.... The fleering lips quivered, there was a slight stir under the
counterpane. A little sound gathered, shaped into words barely audible in
the stillness of the room broken only by Gordon's breathing:
"It's ... too much. Not any more ... hurting. Oh! I can't--"
He found a chair, and sat down by her side. The palms of his hands were
wet, and he wiped them upon his knees. His fear of the supine figure grew,
destroying the arrogance of his manhood, his sentient reason. He was
afraid of what it intimated, threatened, for himself, and of its
unsupportable mockery. He felt as an animal might feel cornered by a
hugely grim and playful cruelty.
The westering sun fell through a window on the disordered huddle of
Lettice's hastily discarded clothes streaming from a chair to the
floor--her stockings, her chemise threaded with a narrow blue ribband. His
thoughts turned to the little white garments she had fashioned in vain.
It had been wonderfully comfortable in the evening in the sitting room
with Lettice sewing. He recalled the time when he had first played the
phonograph in order to hear the dog "sing." Lettice had cried out,
imploring him to stop; well--he had stopped, hadn't he? The delayed
realization of her patience of misery rankled like a barb. The wandering
thoughts returned to the long fabrication he had told her of the loss of
his money in Stenton, of the fictitious agent of hardware. He had snared
the girl in a net of such lies; scornful of Lettice's innocence, her
"stupid" trust, he had brought her to this ruinous pass. It hadn't been
necessary.
The window was open, and a breath of early summer drifted in--a breath of
palpable sweetness. Mrs. Caley entered and bent over the bed, an angular,
black silhouette against the white. She left without a word.
If Lettice died he, Gordon Makimmon, would have killed her, he had killed
more ... he recognized that clearly. The knowledge spread through him like
a virus, thinning his blood, attacking his brain, his nerves. He lifted a
shaking hand to wipe his brow; and, for a brief space, his arm remained in
air; it looked as though he were gazing beneath a shielding palm at a far
prospect. The arm dropped suddenly to his side, the fingers struck dully
against the chair. He heard again the muffled beat of horse's hoofs on
the road above; the sun moved slowly over the narrow, gay strips of rag
carpet on the floor: life went on elsewhere.
His fear changed to loathing, to absolute, sick repulsion from all the
facts of his existence. With the passing minutes the lines deepened on his
haggard countenance, his expression perceptibly aged. The stubble of beard
that had grown since the day before grizzled his lean jaw; the confident
line of his shoulders, of his back, was bowed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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