Capitalists and financiers -- Fiction; Great Britain -- Politics and government -- Fiction; Political fiction
Mr. Bailey's face was genial, his eyes bright as ever, his whiskers
as healthy and florid as though he had but just completed his morning
toilet. With his hands in his pockets he looked down on his abashed
servitor and said pleasantly:
"How drunk you are to-night, Zachary!" He then added as Zachary's hat
fell to the floor: "I hope that's your hat, Zachary, and not mine!"
Zachary said "Yes, sir," with painful clarity of intonation.
"You come in here, Zachary," said Mr. Bailey, opening the door of the
study. "I want to talk to you. Sit down in that chair, a long way from
the fire."
Zachary did as he was bid: Mr. Bailey shut him in, went to the kitchen
stairs and roared down them:
"Jane-bring-me-up-a-cup-of-very-hot-coffee-with-no-sugar-in-it-at-once
-I-don't-want-to-be-kept-waiting-in-the-study!" For such was Mr.
Bailey's method of delivering an order in person on the rare occasions
when he put himself to that inconvenience. The consequence of that
method was that hardly had he joined Zachary in the study when
Jane appeared, purple in the face, with a large cup of coffee which
contained no trace of sugar, and which was extremely hot. The moment
she was out of the room Mr. Bailey solemnly dropped a pinch of salt
into the coffee and said to his miserable servant:
"Drink that!"
"I do assure you, sir--" said Zachary in tones of increasing sobriety.
"Drink that, you ass," said Mr. Bailey, "do you suppose I don't know
what's good for you?"
"Yes, sir, certainly sir," said Zachary humbly. He gulped the coffee
down, and when he had done so began: "It's not near seven, sir."
Mr. Bailey put up his hand.
"Now look here, Zachary," he said; "what I want is information. First
of all, you came in a taxi' cab."
"Yes, sir, I did, sir," said Zachary. "I'm sure, sir, I wouldn't
have----"
"I don't mind your coming home in a pumpkin with six white mice," said
Mr. Bailey. "I don't want to know why about anything. What I want is
information. Where did you come from?"
"'Ampstead, sir," said Zachary, who but rarely dropped his h's, but
thought there were occasions when it was necessary to do so. Then
forgetting his master's injunction, he added: "But there was a
gentleman, with me, sir."
"Oh," said Mr. Bailey, thoroughly interested. "That's what I
wanted--information. You came in a taximeter (that I could see for
myself). You came from Hampstead, you came drunk (I'm sure you won't
mind my saying that!) and there was a gentleman with you. Now, who was
that gentleman?"
"I'm sure I don't know," said the bewildered Zachary.
"Good heavens!" replied Mr. Bailey. "Can't you remember where you met
him?"
"It was coming out of my friend's father's house that is to be," said
Zachary, with a precision rather of visual concept than of terminology.
"The Hop and Garters?" said Mr. Bailey, with vague reminiscence.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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