'Tis no job to find out who wrote an anonymous letter. Jus' look out iv th' window whin ye get it. 'Tis harder to do evil thin good be stealth. * * * * * A German's idee iv Hivin is painted blue an' has cast-iron dogs on th' lawn. * * * * * No man was iver so low as to have rayspict f'r his brother-in-law. * * * * * Th' modhren idee iv governmint is 'Snub th' people, buy th' people, jaw th' people.' * * * * * I wisht I was a German an' believed in machinery. * * * * * A vote on th' tallysheet is worth two in the box. * * * * * I care not who makes th' laws iv a nation if I can get out an injunction. * * * * * An Englishman appears resarved because he can't talk. * * * * * What China needs is a Chinese exclusion act. * * * * * All th' wurruld loves a lover--excipt sometimes th' wan that's all th' wurruld to him. * * * * * A nation with colonies is kept busy. Look at England! She's like wan iv th' Swiss bell-ringers. * * * * * Th' paramount issue f'r our side is th' wan th' other side doesn't like to have mintioned. * * * * * If ye put a beggar on horseback ye'll walk ye'ersilf. * * * * * It takes a sthrong man to be mean. A mean man is wan that has th' courage not to be gin'rous. Whin I give a tip 'tis not because I want to but because I'm afraid iv what th' waiter'll think. Russell Sage is wan iv Nature's noblemen. * * * * * An autocrat's a ruler that does what th' people wants an' takes th' blame f'r it. A constitootional ixicutive, Hinnissy, is a ruler that does as he dam pleases an' blames th' people. * * * * * 'Tis as hard f'r a rich man to enther th' kingdom iv Hiven as it is f'r a poor man to get out iv Purgatory. * * * * * Evil communications corrupt good Ph'lippeens. * * * * * Ivry man has his superstitions. If I look at a new moon over me shoulder I get a crick in me neck. * * * * * Thrust ivrybody--but cut th' ca-ards. * * * * * If Rooshia wud shave we'd not be afraid iv her. * * * * * Some day th' Ph'lippeens 'll be known as th' Standard Isles iv th' Passyfic. * * * * * A woman's sinse iv humor is in her husband's name. * * * * * Most women ought niver to look back if they want a following. * * * * * If ye dhrink befure siven ye'll cry befure iliven.