Mr. Punch's History of Modern England, Vol. 1 (of 4).—1841-1857Graves, Charles L. (Charles Larcom)
History
Mr. Punch's History of Modern England, Vol. 1 (of 4).—1841-1857
Graves, Charles L. (Charles Larcom)
Great Britain -- History -- Victoria, 1837-1901 -- Humor
She delights in dogs; not King Charles's, but big dogs that live in
kennels. She takes them into the drawing-room, and makes them leap
over the chairs. Her mare, too, is never out of her mouth.... If
she is intimate with you, she will call you "my dear fellow"; and
if she takes a fancy to you, you will be addressed the first time
by your Christian name, familiarized very shortly from Henry into
Harry. Her father is hailed as "Governor." Her speech, in fact, is
a little masculine. If your eyes were shut, you would fancy it was
a "Fast Man" speaking, so quick do the "snobs," and "nobs," and
"chaps," and "dowdies," "gawkies," "spoonies," "brats," and other
cherished members of the Fast Human Family run through her loud
conversation. Occasionally, too, a "Deuce take it," vigorously
thrown in, or a "Drat it," peculiarly emphasized, will startle you;
but they are only used as interjections, and mean nothing but
"Alas!" or "Dear me!" or, at the most, "How provoking!"
The MODEL FAST LADY is not particularly attached to dancing. She
waltzes as if she had made a wager to go round the room one hundred
and fifty times in five minutes and a quarter. If any one is pushed
over by the rapidity of her Olga revolutions, she does not stop,
but merely laughs, and "hopes no limbs are broken."
By the bye, if she has a weakness, it is on the score--rather a
long one--of wagers. She is always betting. It must be mentioned,
however, that she is most honourable in the payment of her debts.
She would sell her _Black Bess_ sooner than levant.
THE MODEL FAST LADY has, at best, but a superficial knowledge of
the art of flirting. Compliments, she calls "stuff"; and sentiment
"namby-pamby nonsense." She likes a person to be sensible; and has
no idea of being made a fool of.
At a picnic she is invaluable. When your tumbler is empty, she'll
take Champagne with you--that is to say, if you're not too proud.
You may as well fill her glass; she has no notion of being cheated.
Here's better luck to you! and to enforce it, she runs the point of
her parasol into your side.
She dislikes smoking? Not _she_ indeed; she's rather fond of it. In
fact, she likes a "weed" herself occasionally, and to convince you,
will take a whiff or two. Her forefinger is not much needle-marked,
and she laughs at Berlin wool, and all such fiddle faddle. She has
a pianoforte, but really she has no patience to practise. She can
play a short tune on the cornet-à-piston.
Literature is a sealed pleasure to her, though it is but fair to
state she reads _Bell's Life_, and has a few volumes in her bedroom
of the _Sporting Magazine_. She knows there was a horse of the name
of _Byron_.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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