"Oh! what a scene!--Can this be Venice? No. And yet methinks it is--because I see Amid the lumps of yellow, red and blue, Something which looks like a Venetian spire. That dash of orange in the background there Bespeaks 'tis Morning! And that little boat (Almost the colour of tomato sauce) Proclaims them now returning from the ball! This in my picture, I would fain convey, I hope I do. Alas! _what_ FALLACY!" But there is some good "horse sense" mixed up with frivolity in an article on the canons of criticism a few pages later:-- GENERAL MAXIMS I. The power of criticism is a gift, and requires no previous education. II. The critic is greater than the artist. III. The artist cannot know his own meaning. The critic's office is to inform him of it. IV. Painting is a mystery. The language of pictorial criticism, like its subject, should be mysterious and unintelligible to the vulgar. It is a mistake to classify it as ordinary English, the rules of which it does not recognise. V. Approbation should be sparingly given: it should be bestowed in preference on what the general eye condemns. The critical dignity must never be lowered by any explanation why a work of art is good or bad. [Sidenote: _Rules for Art Critics_] CHARACTERISTICS OF PARTICULAR STYLES 1. _To criticise a Picture by Turner._--Begin by protesting against his extravagance; then go on with a "notwithstanding." Combine such phrases as "_bathed in sunlight_," "_flooded with summer glories_," "_mellow distance_," with a reference to his earlier pictures; and wind up with a rapturous rhapsody on the philosophy of art. 2. _To criticise a Picture by Stanfield._--Begin by unqualified praise; then commence detracting, first on the score of "_sharp, hard outline_"; then of "_leathery texture_"; then of "_scenic effect of the figures_"; and conclude by a wish he had never been a scene painter. 3. _To criticise a Picture by Etty._--Begin by delirious satisfaction with his "_delicious carnations_" and "_mellow flesh-tones_." Remark on the skilful arrangement of colour and admirable composition; and finish with a regret that Etty should content himself with merely painting from "_the nude Academy model_," without troubling himself with that for which you had just before praised him.--N.B. Never mind the contradiction. 4. _To criticise a Picture by E. Landseer._--Here you are bound to unqualified commendation. If the subject be Prince Albert's Hat or the Queen's Macaw, some ingenious compliment to royal patrons is expected. _Punch_ will be happy to supply newspaper critics with similar directions for "doing" all the principal painters in similar style. He subjoins some masterly specimens of artistic criticism:--