[_Falls on ground, while the Bull stands over her, in readiness to give the coup de grace_; LYDIA _calls for help_. _A Farm-hand_ (_encouragingly_). Nay, Miss, he seems moor sensible nor surly-- He knows as how good children perish early! [_The Bull nods in acknowledgment that he is at last understood, and slaps his chest with his forelegs._ _Lydia._ Bull, I’ll turn naughty, if you’ll but be lenient! Goodness, I see, is sometimes inconvenient. I promise you henceforth I’ll _try_, at any rate, To act like children who are unregenerate! [Illustration: On top of the Pump.] [_The Bull, after turning this over, decides to accept a compromise._ _Jack._ And, Lydia, when you ready for a lark are, Just give a chyhike to your friend--Jack Parker! [_They shake hands warmly._ FINALE. _Lydia._ I thought to slowly fade away so calm and beautiful. (Though I didn’t mean to go just yet); But you get no chance for pathos when you’re chivied by a bull! (So I thought I wouldn’t go just yet.) For I did feel so upset, when I found that all you get By the exercise of virtue, is that bulls will come and hurt you! That I thought I wouldn’t go just yet! _Chorus._ We hear, with some regret, That she doesn’t mean to go just yet. But a Bull with horns that hurt you Is a poor return for virtue, So she’s wiser not to go just yet! [_The Bull rises on his hindlegs, and gives a forehoof each to_ LYDIA _and_ JACK, _who dance wildly round and round as the Curtain falls_. [N.B.--Music-hall Managers are warned that the morality of this particular Drama may possibly be called in question by some members of the L. C. C.] IX.--UNDER THE HARROW. _A CONVENTIONAL COMEDY-MELODRAMA, IN TWO ACTS._ CHARACTERS. _Sir Poshbury Puddock (a haughty and high-minded Baronet)._ _Verbena Puddock (his Daughter)._ _Lord Bleshugh (her Lover)._ _Spiker (a needy and unscrupulous Adventurer)._ _Blethers (an ancient and attached Domestic)._ ACT I. SCENE--_The Morning Room at Natterjack Hall, Toadley-le-Hole; large window open at back, with heavy practicable sash._ _Enter_ BLETHERS. _Blethers._ Sir Poshbury’s birthday to-day--his birthday!--and the gentry giving of him presents. Oh, Lor! if they only knew what _I_ could tell ’em!... Ah, and _must_ tell, too, before long--but not yet--not yet! [_Exit._ _Enter_ LORD BLESHUGH _and_ VERBENA. _Verb._ Yes, Papa is forty to-day; (_innocently_) fancy living to _that_ age! The tenants have presented him with a handsome jar of mixed pickles, with an appropriate inscription. Papa is loved and respected by every one. And I--well, I have made him a little housewife, containing needles and thread ... See! [_Shows it._ _Lord Blesh._ (_tenderly_). I say, I--I wish you would make _me_ a little housewife!