England -- Fiction; Fox hunting -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Hunting stories
'Well, but, my dear Mr. Spraggon, if you'll have the kindness to
recollect--to consider--to reflect on what passed, you'll surely remember
commissioning me to challenge Mr. Sponge's horse for you?'
'_Me!_' exclaimed Jack, bouncing up in bed, and sitting squinting
furiously. '_Me!_' repeated he; '_un_possible. How could _I_ do such a
thing? Why, I handicap'd him, man, for you, man?'
'You told me, for all that,' replied Mr. Pacey, with a jerk of the head.
'Oh, by Jove!' exclaimed Jack, taking his cap by the tassel, and twisting
it off his head,' that won't do!--downright impeachment of one's integrity.
Oh, by Jingo! that won't do!' motioning as if he was going to bounce out of
bed; 'can't stand that--impeach one's integrity, you know, better take
one's life, you know. Life without honour's nothin', you know. Cock
Pheasant at Weybridge, six o'clock i' the mornin'!'
'Oh, I assure you, I didn't mean anything of that sort,' exclaimed Mr.
Pacey, frightened at Jack's vehemence, and the way in which he now foamed
at the mouth, and flourished his nightcap about. 'Oh, I assure you, I
didn't mean anything of that sort,' repeated he, 'only I thought p'raps you
mightn't recollect all that had passed, p'raps; and if we were to talk
matters quietly over, by putting that and that together, we might assist
each other and--'
'Oh, by Jove!' interrupted Jack, dashing his nightcap against the bedpost,
'too late for anything of that sort, sir--_down_right impeachment of one's
integrity, sir--must be settled another way, sir.'
'But, I assure you, you mistake!' exclaimed Pacey.
'Rot your mistakes!' interrupted Jack; 'there's no mistake in the matter.
You've _reg_larly impeached my integrity--blood of the Spraggons won't
stand that. "Death before Dishonour!"' shouted he, at the top of his voice,
flourishing his nightcap over his head, and then dashing it on to the
middle of the floor.
'What's the matter?--what's the matter?--what's the matter?' exclaimed Mr.
Sponge, rushing through the connecting door. 'What's the matter?' repeated
he, placing himself between the bed in which Jack still sat upright,
squinting his eyes inside out, and where Mr. Pacey stood.
'Oh, Mr. Sponge!' exclaimed Jack, clasping his raised hands in
thankfulness, 'I'm so glad you're here!--I'm so thankful you're come! I've
been insulted!--oh, goodness, how I've been insulted!' added he, throwing
himself back in the bed, as if thoroughly overcome with his feelings.
'Well, but what's the matter?--what is it all about?' asked Sponge coolly,
having a pretty good guess what it was.
'Never was so insulted in my life!' ejaculated Jack, from under the
bedclothes.
'Well but what _is_ it?' repeated Sponge, appealing to Pacey, who stood as
pale as ashes.
'Oh! nothing,' replied he; 'quite a mistake; Mr. Spraggon misunderstood me
altogether.'
'Mistake! There's no mistake in the matter!' exclaimed Jack, appearing
again on the surface like an otter; 'you gave me the lie as plain as a
pikestaff.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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