written formal letters to Sir John, and those brief notes to Lucy or his
mother, in which there was no reference to Nancy. When he could get her
guided to that point--when he could feel that she could bear the trial,
then to go. It had been his hope all through, a something vaguely looked
forward to, though never brought down to any settled moment of time.
But, alas! it had receded before him point by point. Nancy was not
willing to do anything to please. She was of opinion that by herself,
without any effort, she ought to rule easily over a subject world. She
felt herself--not as he did, to be upon the painful threshold of an
unexplored country, full of perils, in which all her efforts were needed
to find herself a place--but rather to have conquered all that could be
put in her way and attained every object--with the exception of the
homage of those “stuck up” and disagreeable people, who were envious of
her, and therefore would not pay her the attention to which she had a
right, and whom Nancy would scorn to do anything to conciliate. What a
difference between their points of view! And he who ought to have been
the strongest, who was infinitely better educated, and more reasonable
than Nancy, he was powerless to convey any other conviction to her
mind; although she succeeded in agitating his with all sorts of tumults,
with shame that she should show her worse qualities, and earn the
disapproval she incurred--yet with hot resentment towards those who
disapproved of her. Such sentiments are not unusual in human bosoms.
Husbands feel so for their wives, and wives for their husbands, and
parents for their children. Why will they show themselves at their worst
to make strangers laugh, or wonder, or despise; and at the same time,
how do they dare, these strangers, to despise, or laugh, or wonder? A
more painful conflict of feeling cannot be.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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