Durant had not been at Oakley for more than a year. No invitation had
come to him, though he still corresponded with Lady Curtis on the same
confidential and affectionate terms as before; and his heart had grown
sick with this pause of stagnation in his life. There are moments when
that which we have borne with tolerable calm for years, becomes all at
once intolerable to us; and this is especially the case with men who,
having laboured hard and dutifully without much personal recompense, are
suddenly moved by some accidental prick to see that their best years are
floating away from them, without any of the delights that belong to that
crown of existence. Why this feeling should have come upon Durant after
his late visit to Underhayes, and not on previous visits, when he had
seen his friend Arthur, so much younger than himself, enjoying the
happiness which it was not given to him to enjoy, it would be difficult
to tell. Perhaps Arthur’s happiness, while it lasted, was too full of
drawbacks to attract his friend, to whom it never could have been
possible to woo his love in Mrs. Bates’ parlour, behind the backs of the
family. But curiously enough, when the family was swept away, and all
its shabbiness had become pathetic; and when Arthur’s happiness had
fallen into dust, and become apparently a thing beyond restoration or
even hope, then, and only then, did it stimulate the dormant passion in
Durant’s veins. He said to himself that to lose the chance of happiness
altogether by thus passively waiting till it should drop upon him from
the clouds, was, perhaps, in the end a greater foolishness than even the
mad folly which had ruined Arthur. Arthur, at all events, at the worst,
had had his chance; whereas Lewis, so far as appearances went, was
never to have his chance, but only toil and toil on for the benefit of
others till the capacity for joy was exhausted in him. In the grey
autumnal weather, when the rains are falling, and the skies lowering,
and all things settling down to “the dead of the year,” does not
sometimes a longing, insupportable, for sunshine and brightness, cross
us--a longing which has to be satisfied by some lighting up of lamps and
artificial processes of illumination, if not by the natural and blessed
sun? Durant went on for a little, with his heart full of smouldering
fire, reflecting upon his own loneliness amidst all the enjoyments and
fellowships of the world, reflecting upon the manner in which his own
hard earnings melted away, running into the bottomless pit of
improvidence and unlovely waste in his father’s house, with no real
benefit even to the dwellers therein, much less to him whose labours had
no lightening, whatever happened. At last the point of explosion was
reached by the touch of a piece of good fortune. For the first time he
was retained as first counsel in an important case likely to attract
some notice in the world, and at the same time was appointed one of a
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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