"Yes, I WILL talk of fourteen years ago. Ha! you sat beside me then, and picked out all sorts of nice things for me. You'd have given me pearls and diamonds to eat if I could have swallowed 'em. Yes, I say, you sat beside me, and--What do you talk about? "YOU COULDN'T SIT BESIDE ME TO-DAY? "That's nothing at all to do with it. But it's so like you. I can't speak but you fly off to something else. Ha! and when the health of the young couple was drunk, what a speech you made then! It was delicious! How you made everybody cry as if their hearts were breaking; and I recollect it as if it was yesterday, how the tears ran down dear father's nose, and how dear mother nearly went into a fit! Dear souls! They little thought, with all your fine talk, how you'd use me. "HOW HAVE YOU USED ME? "Oh, Mr. Caudle, how can you ask that question? It's well for you I can't see you blush. HOW have you used me? "Well, that the same tongue could make a speech like that, and then talk as it did to-day! "HOW DID YOU TALK? "Why, shamefully! What did you say about your wedded happiness? Why, nothing. What did you say about your wife? Worse than nothing: just as if she were a bargain you were sorry for, but were obliged to make the best of. What do you say? "AND BAD'S THE BEST? "If you say that again, Caudle, I'll rise from my bed. "YOU DIDN'T SAY IT? "What, then, did you say? Something very like it, I know. Yes, a pretty speech of thanks for a husband! And everybody could see that you didn't care a pin for me; and that's why you had 'em here: that's why you invited 'em, to insult me to their faces. What? "I MADE YOU INVITE 'EM? "Oh, Caudle, what an aggravating man you are! "I suppose you'll say next I made you invite Miss Prettyman? Oh yes; don't tell me that her brother brought her without you knowing it. What? "DIDN'T I HEAR HIM SAY SO? "Of course I did; but do you suppose I'm quite a fool? Do you think I don't know that that was all settled between you? And she must be a nice person to come unasked to a woman's house? But I know why she came. Oh yes; she came to look about her. "Oh, the meaning's plain enough.--She came to see how she should like the rooms--how she should like my seat at the fireplace; how she--and if it isn't enough to break a mother's heart to be treated so!--how she should like my dear children. "Now, it's no use your bouncing about at--but of course that's it; I can't mention Miss Prettyman but you fling about as if you were in a fit. Of course that shows there's something in it. Otherwise, why should you disturb yourself? Do you think I didn't see her looking at the ciphers on the spoons as if she already saw mine scratched out and hers there? No, I sha'n't drive you mad, Mr. Caudle; and if I do it's your own fault. No other man would treat the wife of his bosom in--What do you say? "YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE MARRIED A HEDGEHOG?