"I afterwards," writes Caudle, "found out to my cost wherefore she inquired about lace. For she went out in the morning with the landlady to buy a veil, giving only four pounds for what she could have bought in England for forty shillings!" LECTURE XXVII--MRS. CAUDLE RETURNS TO HER NATIVE LAND. "UNMANLY CRUELTY" OF CAUDLE, WHO HAS REFUSED "TO SMUGGLE A FEW THINGS" FOR HER "There, it isn't often that I ask you to do anything for me, Mr. Caudle, goodness knows! and when I do, I'm always refused--of course. Oh yes! anybody but your own lawful wife. Every other husband aboard the boat could behave like a husband--but I was left to shift for myself. To be sure, that's nothing new; I always am. Every other man, worthy to be called a man, could smuggle a few things for his wife--but I might as well be alone in the world. Not one poor half- dozen of silk stockings could you put in your hat for me; and everybody else was rolled in lace, and I don't know what. Eh? What, Mr. Caudle? "WHAT DO I WANT WITH SILK STOCKINGS? "Well--it's come to something now! There was a time, I believe, when I had a foot--yes, and an ankle, too; but when once a woman's married, she has nothing of the sort; of course. No: I'm NOT a cherub, Mr. Caudle; don't say that. I know very well what I am. "I dare say now, you'd have been delighted to smuggle for Miss Prettyman? Silk stockings become her! "YOU WISH MISS PRETTYMAN WAS IN THE MOON? "Not you, Mr. Caudle; that's only your art--your hypocrisy. A nice person too she'd be for the moon: it would be none the brighter for her being in it, I know. And when you saw the Custom House officers look at me, as though they were piercing me through, what was your conduct? Shameful. You twittered about and fidgeted, and flushed up as if I really WAS a smuggler. "SO I WAS? "What had that to do with it? It wasn't the part of a husband, I think, to fidget in that way, and show it. "YOU COULDN'T HELP IT? "Humph! And you call yourself a person of strong mind, I believe? One of the lords of the creation! Ha! ha! couldn't help it! "But I may do all I can to save the money, and this is always my reward. Yes, Mr. Caudle; I shall save a great deal. "HOW MUCH? "I sha'n't tell you: I know your meanness--you'd want to stop it out of the house allowance. No: it's nothing to you where I got the money from to buy so many things. The money was my own. Well, and if it was yours first, that's nothing to do with it. No; I haven't saved it out of the puddings. But it's always the woman who saves who's despised. It's only your fine-lady wives who're properly thought of. If I was to ruin you, Caudle, then you'd think something of me. "I sha'n't go to sleep. It's very well for you, who're no sooner in bed than you're fast as a church; but I can't sleep in that way. It's my mind keeps me awake. And after all, I do feel so happy to- night, it's very hard I can't enjoy my thoughts. "NO: I CAN'T THINK IN SILENCE!