gulf before me, and felt small gratification in the knowledge of having
taken a step, which many who condemned would have been no less willing
to imitate had they been placed in the same situation.
"Previous to my first interview with his Royal Highness, in one of his
letters I was astonished to find a bond of the most solemn and binding
nature containing a promise of the sum of twenty thousand pounds, to be
paid at the period of his Royal Highness's coming of age.
"This paper was signed by the prince, and sealed with the royal arms. It
was expressed in terms so liberal, so voluntary, so marked by true
affection, that I had scarcely power to read it. My tears, excited by
the most agonising conflicts, obscured the letters, and nearly blotted
out those sentiments which will be impressed upon my mind till the
latest period of my existence. Still, I felt shocked and mortified at
the indelicate idea of entering into any pecuniary engagements with a
prince, on whose establishment I relied for the enjoyment of all that
would render life desirable. I was surprised at receiving it; the idea
of interest had never entered my mind. Secure in the possession of his
heart, I had in that delightful certainty counted all my future
treasure. I had refused many splendid gifts which his Royal Highness had
proposed ordering for me at Grey's and other jewellers. The prince
presented to me a few trifling ornaments, in the whole their value not
exceeding one hundred guineas. Even these, on our separation, I returned
to his Royal Highness through the hands of General Lake.
"The period now approached that was to destroy all the fairy visions
which had filled my mind with dreams of happiness. At the moment when
everything was preparing for his Royal Highness's establishment, when I
looked impatiently for the arrival of that day in which I might behold
my adored friend gracefully receiving the acclamations of his future
subjects, when I might enjoy the public protection of that being for
whom I gave up all, I received a letter from his Royal Highness, a cold
and unkind letter--briefly informing me that 'we must meet no more!'
"And now, my friend, suffer me to call God to witness, that I was
unconscious why this decision had taken place in his Royal Highness's
mind. Only two days previous to this letter being written I had seen the
prince at Kew, and his affection appeared to be boundless as it was
undiminished.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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