The cotillon as a means of allowing the greatest possible number of persons to dance in the least possible space is a failure. If we could only have a few policemen to keep the stags in their proper place, besides the detectives who see that no suspicious persons get in as guests; if we could have laws making it petty larceny to "steal," and a misdemeanor to dance at a speed exceeding ten miles an hour, then our germans might partake somewhat of the stately measure of the olden time. Now we leaders are proud if we can preserve a semblance of order, for, instead of conducting a chosen few through some graceful manoeuvres, our chief duty is to shoo the invading hosts back to their chairs; to dance with the lovely débutante, and manage a penny bazaar. Still, everyone said that I did very well, considering the crush, and they particularly praised the new figure which I got up out of my own head. [We find here in Mr. Mudison's rough draught a diagram which looks like a map of Port Arthur during the siege, but it is not necessary to reproduce it, as he makes his terpsichorean invention clear.] Forming the girls in the outer circle and the men in the inner, standing in the middle myself, I made the two wheels revolve rapidly in opposite directions, the men going backward. The result was simply kaleidoscopic; dazzling, the on-lookers said, and not without a humorous side, for there were several collisions, in one of which the Earl of Less had his monocle broken. In the general shuffle-up of partners, due to dizziness, there fell to me one of the most charming girls I have met this winter, Wisteria Plumstone, who is just out, and so has lost none of her good looks. I must confess the older I get the more I like débutantes. They appreciate it thoroughly when I dance with them. Wisteria smiled all over when she saw young Cackling hunting for her at the other end of the room, and me approaching her with wide-spread arms. She clung to me as if for protection, and, contrary to my usual rule to go only once around the room with them, I circled it four times. A sensible child too; she did not try to talk further than to venture that the floor was too slippery, and that she was having a lovely dance. Now, most girls of her age in their efforts to say something, drive you mad with their disjointed comments on the music and the people, and when they have learned to keep up a continual chatter it is no small mental strain to hold your mind on their line of thought, so as to chime in occasionally with something that would indicate that you have been listening. However, when I was younger I used to think that talking with these mere infants about the music and the people, the last dance and the one to come, about that girl in pink and the other in blue--I used to think that of such stuff a divine time was made. The pretty débutante, fresh, unsophisticated, self-conscious, is a delight to the eye of us old social adventurers, but our minds demand something more.