He was no fool, and incidentally he knew as much about women as a man
may know. He realised exactly why she had come to him that night; as
clearly as if she had told him he understood the wild seething thoughts
in her mind, the chaos, the sense of futility. And then the sudden
irresistible longing to get things settled--to give up fighting--to
take hold of happiness or what seemed to her to be happiness at the
moment.
And supposing the mood had not broken--supposing the tears had not
come. . . . He stopped in his slow walk, and stared at the sleeping
girl thoughtfully. . . . What would have been the state of affairs by
now?
"Sex--sex--sex. The most powerful thing in the world, and the most
transitory." Her words before dinner, as they had stood in the hall
came back to him, and he took a deep breath. That was the weapon he
was using against her; he made no attempt to deceive himself on that
score. After all--why not? It was the weapon that had been used since
the beginning of things; it was the weapon which would continue to be
used till the end. It was Nature's weapon . . . and yet. . . .
Once again he resumed his walk--six steps one way, turn, six steps
back. He moved slowly, his chin sunk on his chest, and his hands
twisting restlessly behind his back. Supposing she was right,
supposing in a year, or in five, she should turn on him, and say:
"Against my better judgment you overruled me. Even though I loved you,
even though I still love you--you have made me buy my happiness at too
great a price?"
Supposing she should say that--what then? Had he any right to make her
run such a risk? Was it fair? Again and again he turned question and
answer over in his brain. Of course it was fair--they loved one
another; and love is the biggest thing in the universe. But was it
only love in his case--was it not overmastering passion as well?
Well--what if it was; there are cases where the two cannot be
separated--and those cases are more precious than rubies. Against such
it were laughable to put the fate of Blandford. . . . Quite--but whose
point of view was that--his or hers?
Vane was essentially a fair man. The average Englishman is made that
way--it being the peculiar nature of the brute. If anything--as a
referee or a judge--he will give the decision against his own side,
which is the reason why England has spread to the ends of the earth,
and remained there at the express wish of the Little Peoples. Bias or
favouritism are abhorrent to him; as far as in him lies the Englishman
weighs the pros and the cons of the case and gives his decision without
partiality or prejudice. He may blunder at times, but the blunder is
honest and is recognised as such.
And so as Vane walked restlessly up and down his room, every instinct
in him revolted at the idea of taking advantage of an emotional crisis
such as he knew had been stirred in Joan that evening. It seemed to
him to be unfair.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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