'He said that you had received a severe nervous shock, that you had been
subjected to several hours' exposure, that you must take great care of
yourself, and, above all, have perfect rest and quiet, and not excite
yourself, and not talk.'
'Is that all he said? Then he cannot know how ill I feel; perhaps I
ought to see another doctor. But I don't believe anyone could do me much
good. Oh, I feel wretchedly ill, and somehow I seem to know I am going
to die! It would be very horrible to die; but young girls no older than
I have died--have been cut off in the beginning of their life. And we
have seen nothing of life, only a few balls and parties. It would be
terrible to die so soon. When Violet carried off the Marquis I felt so
bitterly ashamed that I thought I would have liked to die; but not
now--now I know that Edward loves me I would not care to die; it would
be terrible to die before I was married. Wouldn't it, Alice? . . . But you
don't answer me; did you never think about death?'
Then, as the thin wailing voice sank into her ears, Alice started from
her dreams, and she strove to submit her attention to her sister.
'Yes, dear, of course I have. Death is, no doubt, a very terrible thing,
but we can do no good by thinking of it.'
'Oh yes, we should, Alice, for this is not the only world--there is
another and a better one; and, as mamma says, and as religion says, we
are only here to try and get a good place in it. You are surprised to
hear me speak like this; you think I never think of anything but the
colour of a bonnet-string, but I do.'
'I am sure you do, Olive; I never doubted it; but I wish you would now
do what the doctor orders, and refrain from talking and exciting
yourself, and try and get well. You may then think of death and other
gloomy things as much as you like.'
'You don't understand, Alice; one can't think of death, then--one has so
much else to think of; one is so taken up with other ideas. It is only
when one is ill that one really begins to see what life is. You have
never been ill, and you don't know how terribly near death seems to have
come--very near. Perhaps I ought to see the priest; it would be just as
well, just in case I should die. Don't you think so?'
'I don't think there is any more danger of your dying now than there was
a month ago, dear, and I am sure you can have nothing on your mind that
demands immediate confession,' she said, her voice trembling a little.
'Oh yes, I have, Alice, and a very great deal; I have been very wicked.'
'Very wicked!'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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