Kentucky -- Fiction; Self-actualization (Psychology) in women -- Fiction
When the obligation of the lesson was done she went to her room and later
she lay on her bed to stare at the ceiling until her grief took shape.
At first there were three Conways to play back and forth in her mind,
the Conway of the first fact, as he had been Friday evening and many
another evening, charming, negligent, beautiful to see, kissing her at
the door, flinging her a smile from beyond the lamp. Over against this
lay the awful second fact, Conway a charred, shrunken ember lying in
a coffin which no one dared open, which would never again be opened.
This was Conway. Up the street half a mile, in an avenue of trees to a
doorway, through a hall and a parlor, and there lay the horrible fact.
She was not afraid of it. It was real, there, never to be denied, and if
he could endure it so could she. The second fact was hers now. The third
fact grew together, gaining strength as the minutes passed, dominating
all the rest. This was Conway become a memory. The third fact had already
begun to supplant the first. The fact of him as a memory, as finished,
as perpetual now and unchanged, stole over the first and dimmed it. At
this recognition she wept with more pain and reached for the first fact
with greater eagerness, but the third prevailed until the first became an
utter shadow and went before the day was done.
She lay on her bed, spent with weeping, remembering now the alarms
of the night and knowing that they had been the last cry of Conway’s
circumstance. She probed her memory of the night to penetrate its
knowledge for every substance and sound, and she remembered the flat
toneless matter that had cluttered her rest. She turned continually to
Albert as the one who must give her comfort and ease her pain, and her
longing for him became perpetual. She knew that he had gone across the
state on some mission, but she thought that he would come to Conway’s
funeral when he learned of the disaster. Over and over she decided that
she would send him a message telling him to come, and she thought of his
grief as identical with her own. Conway had been their friend, Albert’s
first, and through Albert her own. She would weep anew to recall how
much the two of them had loved Conway. But she kept to a passive rôle
and sent no message. Albert did not come. He had been traveling all week
into remote countries and was not easily reached by the telegraphed
communications which someone sent.
The days passed slowly while her life seemed suspended in grief, days
scarcely noticed until many of them were gone and Conway had become the
last fact utterly, had achieved dissolution. He lay intangible now among
the elements of a past that had slipped by while she was unaware.
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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