Kentucky -- Fiction; Self-actualization (Psychology) in women -- Fiction
Once when she had brought her freshened clothing home, when she unrolled
the papers from about it and prepared it for the drawer, she saw that
a garment had been torn apart. The frayed piece was an underslip which
was decorated with lace and fine stitchery. It had been torn open by an
angry hand; one great tearing motion had sundered it from the hem to
the embroidered upper portion where the enforced stitching had given
it strength to resist the angry rending hands. It was frayed in many
directions when renewed strength had been set upon it, and she knew that
it had stood in the way of some quarrel between Americy and Lethe, that
it had been torn apart by Lethe’s hands. She tossed the destroyed garment
into a trash basket.
She returned over and over to her need to have Albert come, to have him
satisfy some longing by coming through her door and sitting a half-hour
in her parlor, but each suggestion her mind made toward the promotion of
this imperfectly formed wish was repelled. Her divided wishes, the one
prompted by her scorn of him, the other by her strange need, defeated
each other continually. Once in a moment of clear-seeing she thought,
with a flash of cruel wit, that her real need of him was her need to
express to him her contempt of him and her indifference of his way, but
this moment was fogged as, day after day, her sense of him yearned
toward him. She knew of his coming and going, in and out of the town,
with intuitive accuracy. But one day the news of his marriage with
Florence spread over the town. They had gone away together and would live
thereafter in Lexington, Albert’s work being now centered in that city.
* * * * *
It seemed to her that some barrier had come between her and the violin,
as if the instrument were vaguely at fault in that it had allowed some
intrusion. At intervals some words of the teacher had touched on the
limits of the capacity of her hand. Casually once, as she turned the
pages of some catalogue and wrote numbers on a paper, the teacher had
said, “Beyond you,” or again, “The fingering beyond your reach,” or “Out
of your reach.” These phrases built a deep unrest in Theodosia’s days.
She went to sit before Americy’s iron and talk of Americy’s life, her
hymns, her revivals, her chords, her work. As a commonplace having some
relation to the early summer, she arose each morning and set about her
tasks. Her playing was tentative, obeying only the suggestions of the
teacher, withdrawing from searchings and explorations. The instrument
had retreated from her old knowledge of it. She accomplished with skill
all that the teacher required and heard the praise she earned with a
leap of satisfaction within. She rested upon her perfections where they
lay bounded and within her degree, and she surpassed herself at the
designated tasks.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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