Kentucky -- Fiction; Self-actualization (Psychology) in women -- Fiction
Passing in her room, Theodosia observed that she had removed Conway’s
picture from her shelf although she scarcely remembered the act. It had
been put into a box of photographs, taken up without passion and slipped
inside the cover of the box at some casual moment between coming and
going. She laughed once a swift, cruel laughter that bent downward the
corners of her mouth at the spectacle of two women quarreling over a dead
man, herself one. She discovered that she had no quarrel beyond that
induced by friendly loyalty. A suspicion grew in the arising confusion
of her thought that her own posthumous passion for Conway had been
identified with her lost hope of the fiddle, with her tenderness and
self-love that had been shielding her limitation from inner examination
and despair. The story remained untrue, but Conway grew remote for her,
increasing in remoteness as three days wore away. The shock of the
argument opened new vistas down into the dark of her inner thought. She
remembered him tenderly, as dead, as wronged in his grave. She thought of
him less often.
FOUR
She ran out of the house at dusk, her fiddle in her hand, fiddle and bow
clutched in her fingers. She went rapidly down the street, thinking that
she would walk toward the pool, toward the fields, toward some point far
beyond the town. She would hurl fiddle-playing into the tops of tall
trees and hurl it again into the darkening sky. The ripples of the water
would be black and the plowed fields would be black where the dusk had
sunk into the autumn furrows.
Before the livery stable she saw Stiggins, who stood listlessly, his
hands in his pockets, swaying unevenly from one foot to the other. The
wind that would have blown the dark water of the pool was shifting the
straws and trash of the stable about before Stig’s feet, making a shallow
drift in the dirt and refuse.
“Come on with me, Stig,” she said. “Come and go with me where I go.”
He shuffled uncertainly, hearing her words slowly. “Come on now,
Stiggins,” she said.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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