My Lady Nicotine: A Study in SmokeBarrie, J. M. (James Matthew)
General
My Lady Nicotine: A Study in Smoke
Barrie, J. M. (James Matthew)
Smoking -- Anecdotes; Tobacco -- Anecdotes; Wit and humor, Pictorial
As is the way with men of Pettigrew's type, when you corner them, he
attempted to put the blame on me. "Why had I not tried the tobacco,"
he asked, "instead of taking a third cigar?" For reply, I asked bitingly
if that was not his third cigar. He admitted it was, but said that he
smoked more quickly than I did, as if that put his behavior in a more
favorable light. I smoked my third cigar very slowly, not because I
wanted to put off the experiment; for, as every one must have noted,
I was most anxious to try it, but just to see what would happen. When
Pettigrew had finished his cigar--and I thought he would never be done
with it--he gazed at the garden tobacco for a time, and then took a pipe
from the mantelpiece. He held it first in one hand, then in the other,
and then he brightened up and said he would clean his pipes. This he did
very slowly. When he had cleaned all his pipes he again looked at the
garden tobacco, which I pushed toward him. He glared at me as if I had
not been doing a friendly thing, and then said, in an apologetic manner,
that he would smoke a pipe until my cigar was finished. I said "All
right" cordially, thinking that he now meant to begin the experiment;
but conceive my feelings when he produced a jar of the Arcadia Mixture.
He filled his pipe with this and proceeded to light it, looking at me
defiantly. His excuse about waiting till I had finished was too pitiful
to take notice of. I finished my cigar in a few minutes, and now was the
time when I would have liked to begin the experiment. As Pettigrew's
guest, however, I could not take that liberty, though he impudently
pushed the garden tobacco toward me. I produced my pipe, my intention
being only to half fill it with Arcadia, so that Pettigrew and I might
finish our pipes at the same time. Custom, however, got the better of
me, and inadvertently I filled my pipe, only noticing this when it was
too late to remedy the mistake. Pettigrew thus finished before me; and
though I advised him to begin on the garden tobacco without waiting for
me, he insisted on smoking half a pipeful of Arcadia, just to keep me
company. It was an extraordinary thing that, try as we might, we could
not finish our pipes at the same time.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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