Conceive me (said Gilray, with glowing face) invited to write a criticism of the Critics' Dramatic Society for the _Standard_. I select the _Standard_, because that paper has treated me most cruelly. However, I loathe them all. My dream is the following criticism: What is the Critics' Dramatic Society? We found out on Wednesday afternoon, and, as we went to Drury Lane in the interests of the public, it is only fair that the public should know too. Besides, in that case we can all bear it together. Be it known, then, that this Dramatic Society is composed of "critics" who gave "The School for Scandal" at a matinÈe on Wednesday just to show how the piece should be played. Mr. Augustus Harris had "kindly put the theatre at their disposal," for which he will have to answer when he joins Sheridan in the Elysian Fields. As the performance was by far the worst ever perpetrated, it would be a shame to deprive the twentieth century of the programme. Some of the players, as will be seen, are too well known to escape obloquy. The others may yet be able to sink into oblivion. Sir Peter Teazle MR. JOHN RUSKIN. Joseph Surface MR. W. E. HENLEY. Charles Surface MR. HARRY LABOUCHERE. Crabtree MR. W. ARCHER. Sir Benjamin Backbite MR. CLEMENT SCOTT. Moses MR. WALTER SICHEL. Old Rowley MR. JOSEPH KNIGHT. Sir Oliver MR. W.H. POLLOCK. Trip MR. G. A. SALA. Snake MR. MOY THOMAS. Sir Harry Bumper (with song) MR. GEORGE MOORE. Servants, Guests, etc. MESSRS. SAVILLE CLARKE, JOSEPH HATTON, PERCY FITZGERALD, etc. Assisted by Lady Teazle MISS ROSIE LE DENE. Mrs. Candour MISS JENNY MONTALBAN. Lady Sneerwell MISS ROSALIND LABELLE (The Hon. Mrs. Major TURNLEY). Maria MISS JONES.