Suddenly an almost unbearable spiritual exasperation succeeded
the delight, and I saw a scarred and dreadful scene, like to the
lunar landscape of the battle-field of Verdun, and I knew that my
dwelling-place was a world of blood-madness. I tried to beat off the
invading horror. Hot tears of protest came to my eyes, a feeling of
suffocation clutched my throat, and a something burning wrapped my soul.
Delight was dead.
B.—(_Au bord du Ruisseau. Andante molto moto._) The master spoke again,
in a voice of purling water over smooth stones and through soft grasses;
the music of the lower strings, monotonous, hypnotic, possessed my
fancy. Again the joy with which he was looking on the beauty of the
exterior world tried to communicate itself to me. But my eyes fell on a
white-haired man seated near me, a black band about his arm, dozing or
dreaming, I knew not which. He awakened with a start and groan, and was
doubtless thinking on combat and empty places and “heroes struggling with
heroes and above them the wrathful gods.”
And I thought of Veiled Destinies and high and nameless sacrifices and
children at evening and silent firesides, and broken loves and other
visible and invisible things.
C.—(_Joyeuse réunion de Paysans. Allégro._) Expressing the master’s
deep belief in the goodness of humanity, its deathless adorations, its
inextinguishable hopes.
But the houses of the peasants are empty, even here in Savoy, and
husbands and fathers and sons will cross their thresholds no more. “The
ancients have ceased from the gates, the young men from the choir of the
singers.”
I sat by the stream among the peasants and remembered suddenly two
combatants, an Austrian and a Serb, visited in a hospital in Vienna that
first winter of the war. One had lain by a frozen brook across a fallen
log for two days, his hands and feet alone touching the ground, and
when he was brought in they were black and swollen, and as I saw him he
was but a trunk of a man with dull eyes. And the other, the Serb, with
something wild and burning in his look, and restless hands, had fallen
with his feet in a stream, and he, too, would walk no more; and so one
thinks of brooks and sweet, moving waters these days.
(_Orage—Tempête. Allégro._) The sudden D flat, the world in noise and
horror and protesting hate, and hard, bright-eyed men meeting from East
and West, the sons of the world falling for the sins of the world; and
there is no way out, for all words save that of peace may be spoken. And
I thought on the loneliness of the mind, and knew it for as great or
greater than that of the heart, for mostly humanity lives by its personal
throbs, its desires and its hopes and fears, and these are of such
abundance that there are always contacts. But the loneliness of the mind
is a world where there is scarcely any sound of footsteps, few voices
call, and sometimes it is deathly cold, and that is why I write to _you_
to-night.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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