Only the other day, my old, dear, and most valued friend Lady Malkinshaw was sitting with me, and was entering at great length into the interesting story of her second daughter's unhappy marriage engagement, and of the dignified manner in which the family ultimately broke it off. For a quarter of an hour or so our interview continued to be delightfully uninterrupted. At the end of that time, however, just as Lady Malkinshaw, with the tears in her eyes, was beginning to describe the effect of her daughter's dreadful disappointment on the poor dear girl's mind and looks, I heard the door of the major's house bang as usual; and, looking out of the window in despair, saw the major himself strut half way down the walk, stop, scratch violently at his roll of red flesh, wheel round so as to face the house, consider a little, pull his tablets out of his waistcoat-pocket, shake his head over them, and then look up at the front windows, preparatory to bawling as usual at the degraded female members of his household. Lady Malkinshaw, quite ignorant of what was coming, happened at the same moment, to be proceeding with her pathetic story in these terms: "I do assure you, my poor dear girl behaved throughout with the heroism of a martyr. When I had told her of the vile wretch's behaviour, breaking it to her as gently as I possibly could; and when she had a little recovered, I said to her----" ("Matilda!") The major's rasping voice sounded louder than ever as he bawled out that dreadful name, just at the wrong moment. Lady Malkinshaw started as if she had been shot. I put down the window in despair; but the glass was no protection to our ears--Major Namby can roar through a brick wall. I apologised--I declared solemnly that my next-door neighbour was mad--I entreated Lady Malkinshaw to take no notice, and to go on. That sweet woman immediately complied. I burn with indignation when I think of what followed. Every word from the Namby's garden (which I distinguish below by parentheses) came, very slightly muffled by the window, straight into my room, and mixed itself up with her ladyship's story in this inexpressibly ridiculous and impertinent manner: "Well," my kind and valued friend proceeded, "as I was telling you, when the first natural burst of sorrow was over, I said to her----" "Yes, dear Lady Malkinshaw?" I murmured, encouragingly. "I said to her----" ("By jingo, I've forgotten something! Matilda! when I made my memorandum of errands, how many had I to do?") "'My dearest, darling child,' I said----" ("Pamby! how many errands did your mistress give me to do?") "I said, 'my dearest, darling child----'" ("Nurse! how many errands did your mistress give me to do?") "'My own love,' I said----" ("Pooh! pooh! I tell you, I had four errands to do, and I've only got three of 'em written down. Check me off, all of you--I'm going to read my errands.") "'Your own proper pride, love,' I said, 'will suggest to you----'" ("Grey powder for baby.")