On the banks of the Danube, between the east and the west, the downfall of Prussian power and the prestige of Monarchy was felt perhaps more keenly than elsewhere. I often wondered whether I was actually alive in the world I had formerly known, or if I was not the victim of a long-drawn-out nightmare. Our troubles, our worries, our own individuality are as naught in the whirlpool of human passions. I felt myself carried away with everything which surrounded me into the unknown country of a New Era. CHAPTER XX In the Hope of Rest And now that I have said all that I think is indispensable, perhaps my readers will make excuses for me if I have expressed myself badly in narrating the story of my sufferings. They will, perhaps, also make excuses for my having broken the silence which I have hitherto maintained. There has been endless discussion concerning me and my affairs. I have not wished it, I have not inspired it. It has arisen solely through force of circumstances. We are powerless against circumstances. Our lives seem to be influenced more by others than by ourselves, and the fatality which often orders our actions and our days is not our choice. A moment's folly can wreck a whole life. This has been my personal experience. But I think that at first I was the person deceived, because I was not old enough to judge rightly and to see clearly. Can I grow old without obeying the duty to defend the truth, which has been so outraged by my enemies? Can I go down to the grave, misunderstood and slandered? My life represents a succession of fatalities of which I was powerless to avert the final _dénouement_. I have already said, and I repeat, I do not hold myself guiltless of errors, faults and wrongdoings. But one must, in justice, seek their primary cause in my disastrous marriage. My parents--particularly the Queen--saw nothing wrong in giving me to the Prince of Coburg when I was hardly more than a child. The King saw in this marriage the possibility of certain influences and a political union which would be useful to himself and to Belgium. The Queen was overjoyed at the thought that I was to make my home in Austria and Hungary, whence she had herself come, and where I should remember her, and at the same time further my country's glory and the King's ambitions. I have been sacrificed for the good of Belgium, and Belgium now includes Belgians who reproach me for the gift of my youth and happiness essentially destined for their benefit! Belgians to-day regard me as a German, a Hungarian--a foreigner--and worse even than that! Alas for human gratitude! Be that as it may, am I guilty of having voluntarily abandoned my country or of ceasing to love it? The whole of my being protests against this vile accusation. Of what then am I guilty? Of having left my husband and my children?