Authors, English -- 20th century -- Biography; Waugh, Alec, 1898-1981
Then suddenly a new fear comes to him. She has been home all the time.
She has brought her lover with her and refuses to be disturbed. He can
see them in the warm dusk of her room, the small table lamp casting
through its silk covering a pale rose radiance upon the white linen of
the lace-fringed pillows, heightening the beauty of her face, as she
turns it to meet his kisses. There is the ring of the telephone in the
other room.
“Your silly old man,” he says, and they laugh together. And he places
his hands over her ears that she shall not hear it, and his lips wander
over her face and neck. The bell stops ringing, and once more his hands
are about her and his mouth is against her ear whispering: “Now I can
tell you again how much I love you.”
He sees it with the hard clarity of jealousy and foiled desire. He rises
quickly, pushing his chair sideways as he does so, and strides backwards
and forwards across the room. There is the sound of an opening door upon
the landing, the patter of slippered feet upon the staircase, the rap of
a knuckle in the passage. “Come in,” he says. And his wife is standing
in the doorway.
Old and shrivelled and pathetic she looks, with her sparse hair falling
over the black and gold of her long silk dressing-gown. And yet she is
younger than he is; he remembers they are both old stuff, and there
rises in him the suffocating need for sympathy, for maternal kindliness,
for someone to whom he can say in his loneliness: “I’m tired; I’m an old
man: be good to me.”
“But, my dear,” she says, “I thought you would be at the House all
night.”
“I know, I know,” he says, on his guard instantly against surrender. “It
wasn’t very interesting, and I thought--well, I just came back and I’ve
been reading for a few minutes before going up.”
But the moment he has said it he realises that she does not believe him.
She has heard the crash of his chair beside the telephone: that is what
has awakened her; and she has heard him striding up and down the room,
and there is no book lying open on the table; there is no chair drawn
before the fire, and in the grate only a few dull coals; no whisky on
the small table; no cigar smoke; no feature of the usual setting for an
evening’s reading, and, after thirty years of marriage, a wife knows her
husband’s habits.
“My dear,” she begins. But he will not let her finish. At all events he
must protect himself against discovery and against this fatal weakness
in himself that would fling him before her on his knees and on her pity.
“It’s quite all right,” he says; “I shall be going up in a minute. I
just want to settle my mind a bit first. I can’t sleep if I’m at all
excited. And you’ll be catching cold, dear, here. You mustn’t stay,
really, in that dressing-gown.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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