I had quite as lief, in my present state of mind, touch a yard-long
wriggling ground-worm, or a fat wood-louse, as paper that his fingers
have pressed; but I overcome my repulsion, and unfold the note.
"DEAR MISS GREY:
"Can I do any thing for you in town? I am going up there to-morrow,
and shall thence, I think, run over to the Exhibition. I have no
doubt that it is just like all the others; but _not_ to have seen
it will set one at a disadvantage with one's fellows. I am afraid
that there is no chance of your being still at Tempest when I
return. I shall be most happy to undertake any commissions.
"Yours sincerely,
"F. MUSGRAVE"
The note drops from my fingers, rolls on to my lap, and thence to the
ground. I sit in stiff and stupid silence. To tell the truth, I am
trying strongly to imagine how I should look and what I should say, were
I as ignorant of causes as Barbara thinks me, and to look and speak
accordingly.
She kneels down beside me, and softly drawing down my face, till it is
on a level with hers, and our cheeks touch, says in a tone of gentle
entreaty and compassion, as if _I_ were the one to be considered--the
prime sufferer:
"Do not fret about it, Nancy! it is of no--no consequence!--there is no
harm done!"
I struggle to say _something_, but for the life of me I can frame no
words.
"It was my own fancy!" she says, faltering, "I suppose my vanity misled
me!"
"It is all my fault!" cry I, suddenly finding passionate words, starting
up, and beginning to walk feverishly to and fro--"_all!_--there never
was any one in all this world so blind, so ill-judging, so miserably
mistaken! If it had not been for me, you never would have thought twice
of him--never; and I"--(beginning to speak with weeping
indistinctness)--"I thought it would be so nice to have you near me--I
thought that there was nothing the matter with him, but his temper;
_many_ men are ill-tempered--nearly _all_. If" (tightly clinching my
hands, and setting my teeth) "I had had any idea of his being the
_scoundrel_ that he is--"
"But he is not," she interrupts quickly, wincing a little at my words;
"indeed he is not! What ill have we heard from him? If you do not mind"
(laying her hand with gentle entreaty on my arm), "I had rather, _far_
rather, that you did not say any thing hard of him! I was always so glad
that you and he were such friends--always--and I do not know why--there
is no sense in it; but I am glad of it still."
"We were _not_ friends," say I, writhing a little; "why do you say so?"
She looks at me with a great and unfeigned astonishment.
"_Not friends!_" she echoes, slowly repeating my words; then, seeing the
expression of my face, stops suddenly.
"Are you _sure_," cry I, feverishly snatching her hands and looking with
searching anxiety into her face, "that you spoke truth just now?--that
you do not mind much--that you will get over it!--that it will not
_kill_ you?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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