Julia was continually irritated by the trivial routine of daily
existence. The banality of life was humiliating to her. Always, before
she went to the laboratory, she stopped in the kitchen to give Nellie
the orders for the day. The poised indifference of the old woman's
manner never failed to have an almost maddening effect. "Is the butter
out, Nellie? Shall I order any sugar this week?" Nellie's opaque,
self-engrossed eyes were continually fixed on some distant object.
"Yas'm. I reckon you bettah odah sugah. Dey's plenty o' buttah." Julia
smiled and tapped her foot on the bare, clean-scrubbed boards. "You're
frightfully inattentive, Nellie." Nellie's full purplish lips pouted
ruminatively. Her face was like a stone. "I always tends to what's mah
business, Miss Julia. You has yo' ways an' I has mine." And Julia, in
puzzled defeat, invariably left the kitchen.
When she encountered May, it was as bad. The girl's vapid, apologetic
smile suggested the stubborn resistances of weakness. "Do you love your
negligent Aunt Julia, May?" May would give a sidewise glance from soft
protesting eyes. Then Julia, realizing that she should be touched by
May's affection, would put her arms about the girl.
But Julia found herself actively disliking the child who forced upon her
an undefined sense of responsibility, elicited by the exhibition of
unhappiness. "Now, May, dear, I know you love me--you funny, sensitive
little thing!" Julia's perfunctory tone was a subtle and deliberate
repulse.
May, wanting to hide herself, pressed her forehead against her sleeve.
Julia tried to pull May's arms apart, and wondered at her own
satisfaction in the brutality of the gesture. It seemed to May that Aunt
Julia's hands were about to tear open her heart. "Angry with me, May?
This is so silly."
With an effort, May lifted her quivering face to Aunt Julia's cold eyes,
and giggled. "Of course not." She wanted to keep Aunt Julia from looking
at her and knowing her.
"You aren't, eh? Well, be a good girl. There!" A kiss, meekly accepted.
How Julia abhorred that meekness! "Where's Paul these days? He hasn't
run away to the South Seas or some such place without telling us
good-by?" Julia felt guilty when she referred to him. But Paul and May
were children. That explained away an unnamed thing.
"I--I don't know." Again May giggled.
"Why don't you go to see Lucy Wilson?"
"I don't know. I don't care much about going anywhere."
My God, what's to become of the girl! Why should she live, Julia
thought.
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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