Narrative and Miscellaneous PapersDe Quincey, Thomas
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Narrative and Miscellaneous Papers
De Quincey, Thomas
English essays; English fiction
It was not amongst the weaknesses of Catalina--who had so often
inflicted death, and, by her own journal, thought so lightly of
inflicting it (if not under cowardly advantages)--to shrink from facing
death in her own person. Many incidents in her career show the coolness
and even gaiety with which, in any case where death was apparently
inevitable, she would have gone to meet it. But in this case she _had_
a temptation for escaping it, which was probably in her power. She had
only to reveal the secret of her sex, and the ridiculous witnesses,
beyond whose testimony there was nothing at all against her, must at
once be covered with derision. Catalina had some liking for fun; and a
main inducement to this course was, that it would enable her to say to
the judges, 'Now you see what old fools you've made of yourselves;
every woman and child in Peru will soon be laughing at you.' I must
acknowledge my own weakness; this last temptation I could _not_ have
withstood; flesh is weak, and fun is strong. But Catalina _did_. On
consideration she fancied, that although the particular motive for
murdering Acosta would be dismissed with laughter, still this might not
clear her of the murder, which on some _other_ motive she might have
committed. But supposing that she were cleared altogether, what most of
all she feared was, that the publication of her sex would throw a reflex
light upon many past transactions in her life--would instantly find
its way to Spain--and would probably soon bring her within the tender
attentions of the Inquisition. She kept firm to the resolution of not
saving her life by this discovery. And so far as her fate lay in her own
hands, she would (as the reader will perceive from a little incident at
the scaffold) have perished to a certainty. But even at this point, how
strange a case! A woman _falsely_ accused of an act which she really
_did_ commit! And falsely accused of a true offence upon a motive that
was impossible!
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