As my leg continued to mend, I felt grateful to God for his great mercy to me; but it was not long, until I had to accuse myself of having failed in duty, and come short of my promise; and this threw me into dejection of mind; which however wore gradually off. As I had much leisure time, I read more of my Bible than formerly; but the historical parts attracted my attention more than the doctrinal. Happening to read through the beginning of Exodus, I was struck when I found, that I had made use of the same words that Pharaoh used to Moses, chap. ix. ver. 28, and which he afterwards repeated, chap. x. ver. 17. This made me fear, lest I should prove like Pharaoh; and in place of being softened by mercies, and bound by gratitude, become hardened by them and perish in the end. I then recollected, that I had heard Dr. Balfour preach, from Hebrews iii. 12, 13, I remembered the words, "_lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin_," and I turned to the passage and read it. It led me to ponder on the deceitful nature, and dangerous tendency of sin; which increased my fear that I might become hardened, and made my mind very uneasy. I would sometimes think on the instructions I had got, and the tasks I had learned at the Sabbath school; which I had now almost forgotten: I remembered some little of the seventeenth chapter of John, for the learning of which, myself and others had received a penny. This led me to read it, and the fifty-third of Isaiah, which also I had learned; but I did not understand its import, although familiar with the words. I then turned over all the parallel passages, that I had read, in proof of doctrines in the school; and although I did not understand those that treated of the way of a sinner's acceptance with God, by faith in the righteousness and atonement of the great Redeemer, yet it helped to keep the words of Scripture relative to these doctrines on my memory, which was of use to me afterwards. But the doctrines of heaven, and hell, the resurrection, and eternal judgment, are more readily apprehended: and these made increasingly strong impressions on my mind. I was now pretty certain that I was unfit for military service; and from Egypt, the land of bondage, I cast a longing eye to my native home, and wished myself there, that I might enjoy the benefits of a Sabbath, the instructions of religious teachers, and freedom from the society of the wicked. All my hopes now centered in this, and had I despaired of it, I would have given myself over for lost.