sufferings do not excuse the sins I commit under them; I shall then, as well as now, be a subject of the justice of God; and when I shall be suffering for past sins, that will be no excuse for the commission of new ones; if I am to make the debt of sin less by suffering for it, I must not contract more debt at the time I am paying the old; for if I do, I shall continue to be a debtor; and as long as I continue to commit sin, I must continue to suffer for it, for the claims of Divine justice are indispensable. Following out these reflections put a complete end to all speculation, of the probability, or possibility, of ever finding any portion of happiness, if I did not obtain the pardon of my sins, and deliverance from sin itself, before I left this world, and appeared in the presence of God.--These speculations show that my mind was ready to catch at any thing, that appeared to furnish the least hope, however delusive it might be; for when I looked forward to eternity, not having the confidence that arises from faith in the Lord Jesus, as an all-sufficient Saviour, and not discerning the doctrine of his complete atonement and justifying righteousness, I was glad to lay hold of any thing that appeared to afford the smallest glimpse of hope, rather than be without hope altogether. Having, by the goodness of God, recovered from the fever, the effect of it was to make me resolve once more to devote myself to his service. Gratitude for his mercy in my recovery induced me to do this; and I hoped for better success in my endeavours than heretofore: but alas! it was not long before my conscience found matter of accusation against me; and this threw me as far back as ever. I searched for a reason why I failed in my attempts to serve God; but I did not find the true one. I began to lay the blame on the example and conversation of my comrades; and would fain have palliated the evil of my conduct on this ground, and flattered myself that God would therefore be the less strict with me. But then I reflected, that it would be a pernicious and fatal delusion for me, to flatter myself with any thing that would not stand the test of his judgment seat. I found no toleration for sin, in any situation, in the word of God; and my conscience charged me, not only with wilful sins, for which I could devise no excuse, but also with loving sin itself, which God hateth. Yet, as experience had taught me that one thing led to another, I determined to keep myself as much as possible out of the company of the profligate, and profane, and loose talkers, and to keep my mind as constantly fixed as possible on serious subjects. I set heaven with all its charms before my mind, as the object to be gained, and hell with all its terrors, as the object to be escaped. I contrasted time with eternity, and said to myself, Surely eternity is of such vast importance, as to be worth all the sufferings that can be endured, and all the exertions that can be made, in the narrow bounds of