MANICURISTS: All barber shops and hotels. Some want their nails filed, others just like to sit and talk to the cute ones. But why is it any different here than in your own home town, where lonesome bucks always go first for the finger mechanics? * * * * * MASSEURS: Some people go to masseurs to be massaged and some masseurs massage, but some use the title to cover an older going-over. Sorry, you'll have to find them yourself. We don't ache enough for a massage. * * * * * MIDWIFES: If you're in that condition, don't come to New York. If you do come, get a doctor. But if you're old-fashioned and demand a midwife, you'll find some in the Classified phone directory. * * * * * PALMISTS: They're against the law, but Diana, LO 5-4530 is a "hand analyst." * * * * * PARTIES PLANNED: We like our parties impromptu, you know, like when the blonde drops in unexpectedly and says: "Let's get stinko." But if you like to entertain and want to do it big, call Service Delicatessen, BU 8-7384; Daniel, PL 9-5941; for children's parties, Arnold. Amusements and entertainment provided, Harrington, CI 6-5979. * * * * * RENT, FOR: You can rent practically anything in New York, including a wife, but not an apartment. If you are interested in hiring any of the following, consult the Classified phone directory: Airplanes, bikes, cameras, cars, diamonds, evening clothes, furs, private railroad cars, radios, typewriters and yachts. (No open listing for wives.) * * * * * SHOOTING GALLERIES: What's the matter, bud, didn't you have enough of it in the Army? If not, try Broadway and 48th Street, Broadway and 51st Street, or Sixth Avenue between 42nd and 47th; 42nd Street between Broadway and Eighth Avenue, or any amusement park. * * * * * SHOPPING SERVICES: Will buy anything for you from a layette to a tombstone, except a broad or bride. At Your Service, MU 9-4370; Lili Personal Service, MU 2-5266; Finders, MU 2-8196. * * * * * SHOW GALS: Consult newspaper for current musical attractions. Or visit these night clubs: Latin Quarter, Copacabana, Leon & Eddie's, Hotel New Yorker (on ice skates). Rockettes at Radio City Music Hall and Gae Foster girls at the Roxy. * * * * * SIGHT-SEEING: The rubberneck buses are back. You'll find steerers at every Times Square corner. * * * * *