Though she did not at once tell herself whose solitude she had invaded,
she knew well—knew instantly. The position might be unwonted, but the
outline of the shoulders was unmistakable. He was a little way off from
the new mound, seated on the only other tombstone near—a flat stone
with a recumbent cross upon it—and his head was bent forward, resting
on his hands. The attitude was one of intense trouble; but he remained
quiet. Ethel had never seen Nigel in that position before; yet she
recognised him, despite the gloom.
She did not know whether perhaps she ought to go away; only it seemed
impossible to leave him thus. So she went forward gently, and stood
beside the mound, her heart very full for his sake. Two or three
minutes passed; and she stirred, touching a loose stone with her foot.
It rolled over, and the slight rattle caused him to lift his head.
"Ethel!"
They had not met since Fulvia's birthday—since the morning after their
interview in the vestry. Life had seemed then very fair, and full of
promise for them both. Now all was changed; but how much changed, how
dark the sky had grown, Ethel did not yet know. She came forward when
he stood up, and put her hand into his, only intent on showing her
sympathy.
"Thanks; I knew you would feel for us," he said.
The misery of his face was almost too much for Ethel; she had great
difficulty in controlling herself. "I didn't know you were so ill
still," she faltered.
"Ill! No, I don't think so." He spoke as if hardly knowing what he
said, and motioned Ethel to the seat he had quitted. She took it
obediently, without question; and he sat down beside her. "I have been
wishing for a few words with you," he went on.
"If I could be a comfort—any comfort! I know how much you must feel his
death; the loss of—"
"If that were all!" Nigel spoke with despairing calmness, and Ethel
looked at him in amazement.
"That—all!" she repeated. "Did you mean—?"
Nigel made no answer. He seemed to be gazing at the faint light visible
still through bare trees. For more than half-an-hour he had sat here
alone, trying to unravel the perplexities of his position, striving
in vain after definite thought. He had come to the cemetery from the
Grange drawing-room, straight and fast as walking could bring him, not
so much to be near his father's grave as to be away from people, beyond
reach of human eyes. One thing alone was clear—that speak with Ethel he
must, this very day if possible, and before he could or would give any
decisive answer to his mother and to Mr. Carden-Cox. He did not count
himself free, for he had distinctly sought Ethel hitherto.
Now, indeed, he could not ask her to be his. Apart from all questions
of marrying Fulvia, he could not rightly ask Ethel to wait for him,
under the circumstances. So he told himself; and yet he felt that, but
for this terrible complication, he would have hoped—she might have
waited.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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