Great Britain -- History -- George V, 1910-1936 -- Fiction; World War, 1914-1918 -- Fiction
She fell into a sort of dim trance after she had looked at her watch.
Often she went into these dim trances . . . ever since she had been a
girl at school with Father Consett for her spiritual adviser! . . . She
seemed to be aware of the father moving about the room, lifting up a
book and putting it down. . . . Her ghostly friend! . . . Goodness, he
was unpresentable enough, with his broad, open face that always looked
dirtyish, his great dark eyes, and his great mouth. . . . But a saint
and a martyr. . . . She felt him there. . . . What had they murdered him
for? Hung at the word of a half-mad, half-drunk subaltern, because he
had heard the confession of some of the rebels the night before they
were taken. . . . He was over in the far corner of the room. . . . She
heard him say: they had not understood, the men that had hanged him.
That is what you would say, father . . . Have mercy on them, for they
know not what they do. . . .
Then have mercy on me, for half the time I don't know what I'm doing! . . .
It was like a spell you put on me. At Lobscheid. Where my mother
was, when I came back from that place without my clothes. . . . You
said, didn't you, to mother, but she told me afterwards: The real hell
for that poor boy, meaning Christopher, will come when he falls in love
with some young girl--as, mark me, he will. . . . For she, meaning me,
will tear the world down to get at him. . . . And when mother said she
was certain I would never do anything vulgar you obstinately did not
agree. . . . You knew me. . . .
She tried to rouse herself and said: He _knew_ me. . . . Damn it, he
knew me! . . . What's vulgarity to me, Sylvia Tietjens, born
Satterthwaite? I do what I want and that's good enough for any one.
Except a priest. Vulgarity! I wonder mother could be so obtuse. If I am
vulgar I'm vulgar with a purpose. Then it's not vulgarity. It may be
vice. Or viciousness. . . . But if you commit a mortal sin with your
eyes open it's not vulgarity. . . . You chance hell fire for ever. . . .
Good enough!
The weariness sank over her again and the sense of the father's
presence. . . . She was back again in Lobscheid, thirty-six hours free
of Perowne with the father and her mother in the dim sitting-room, all
antlers, candle-lit, with the father's shadow waving over the pitchpine
walls and ceilings. . . . It was a bewitched place, in the deep forests
of Germany. The father himself said it was the last place in Europe to
be Christianized. Or perhaps it was never Christianized. . . . That was
perhaps why those people, the Germans, coming from those deep,
devil-infested woods, did all these wickednesses. Or maybe they were not
wicked. . . . One would never know properly. . . . But maybe the father
had put a spell on her. . . . His words had never been out of her mind,
much. ... At the back of her brain, as the saying was. . . .
Some man drifted near her and said:
"How do you do, Mrs. Tietjens? Who would have thought of seeing you
here?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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