"Three words." He drew still nearer. "I've said them once
to-night. Will you hear them again? No--please listen! I meant what I
said, but I was carried out of myself--clumsy--bungled my meaning. You
misunderstood, misconstrued, and before I could correct you I'd lost
my temper. You said cruel things--just enough, no doubt, from your
point of view--and you put words into my mouth, read thoughts into my
mind that never were there. And I let you do me that injustice because
I'm hot-tempered. And then, I'm not altogether a free agent; I'm not
my own master, quite; and that's difficult to explain. If I could make
you understand--"
Grown a little calmer, she couldn't deny there was something
reasonable in his argument. She really had given him little chance;
impulse and instinct had worked upon her, causing her to jump at
conclusions which, however well founded in fact, were without excuse
in act. If he had kissed her, it wasn't without provocation, nor
against her will; she had got no more than she asked for. The trouble
was, she no longer wanted it. She had been the dupe of her own folly,
by her own romantic bent and the magnetism of the man blinded to the
essentially meretricious spirit clothed in the flesh of his engaging
person.
It had been a simple and perhaps inevitable infatuation of a mind all
too ready to be infatuated, needing heroic treatment--such as she'd
had and blushed to remember--to cure. And the shock of waking
from that mad dream, no less than the shock of physical contact, had
made her frantic and unreasonable. She could but admit that and,
admitting it, be generous enough to let him clear himself.
If only he would not insist on his declaration of love, that she knew
to be untrue, as if the compliment of it must be a balm to a spirit as
bruised as her own!
He went on: "And all this because I seemed to hesitate--because I did
hesitate, knowing I couldn't say all I wanted to. And before I could
explain--"
"You're not married?" she inquired with an absence of emotion that
should have warned him.
"Of course not. But I'm dependent, and good for nothing in a business
way. My income is from my family, and depends on their favour. What
can I say? I love you--I do--on my soul, I do!"
He put his arms once more round her shoulders, and she did not resist
him, but none the less held her head up and back, eying him steadily.
"I love you desperately, but I can't ask you to marry me until I get
the permission of my family. Till then . . . is there any reason . . .?
Be kind to me, be sweet to me, O sweetest of women! I'm mad, mad
about you!"
With no more warning he lowered his head, fastening his lips to
the curve of her throat; and discovered suddenly and definitely his
error. In a twinkling it was a savage animal he held in his arms, and
before he knew what was happening she had broken his grasp and he was
reeling back with a head that rang from the impact of an open hand
upon his ear.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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