'Yes,' said Alix. 'I expect he's sure to.... I told him I cared for
him,' she went on, in her clear, thin, indifferent voice, emptied of
emotion. 'He doesn't care for me, you know. He pretended he hadn't
understood. He pretended so hard that he broke your pipe. I was to tell
you he was sorry about it--no, that he was glad, I think....' Her voice
changed suddenly; anguish shook it. 'Can you make it any less bad,
Nicky?' There was a pause, while Nicholas, resting his arm on the
chimney-piece, stared down into the fire. He and Alix, like many
brothers and sisters, had always had a shyness about them about intimate
things. They were both naturally reserved; both fought shy of emotion as
far as they could. They were, in some ways, very like. Despair had
broken down Alix's reserve; Nicholas put his aside and considered her
case in his detached way, as if it were a mathematical problem.
'Bad?' he repeated, weighing the word. 'Well, the fact is bad, of
course--that you care and he doesn't. There's no altering that. It's his
fault, of course, for caring himself once and leaving off. Well, anyhow,
there it is. He's the poorer by it, not you.... But the other part--your
telling him--isn't bad. It was merely the truth; and it's simpler and
often more sensible to tell the truth about what one feels. I wouldn't
mind that, if I were you. Don't bring absurdities of sex etiquette into
it. They're mere conventions, after all; silly, petty, uncivilised
conventions. Aren't they?'
'Perhaps,' said Alix dully. 'I don't know.'
'Well, I do. Telling the truth is all right. It oughtn't to make things
worse.'
'No,' said Alix. 'It does, you know.'
Nicholas, giving the subject the attention of his careful mind, knew it
did. He couldn't theorise that away.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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