But what was he doing? Had he shut up the Apartment in Via d'Azeglio
and gone back to his family? The mere recollection of the marble
stair which led to that place of suffering, to that low, grey room
where a mysterious incubus had weighed down her soul, was enough to
darken her countenance.
She wrote again. Antonio did not reply.
Then Regina felt something rebound violently within her, like a rod
which straightens itself with a whirr after breaking the fetters
which have tied it down. It was her pride. She thought Antonio must
have guessed her unspoken drama of grief, lament, tenderness and
remorse, and that he was passing the bounds of just punishment.
"He is taking advantage of me," she thought, "but we will see which
is the stronger!"
"Antonio," she wrote to him, "I have been here for a whole
fortnight of patience and suffering. What is the meaning of
your silence? If you have neither understood nor pardoned the
letter I left for you, surely you must have written to tell
me so? If you have understood, and have forgiven, or, better
still, if you have consented to what I ask, equally in that
case you must have written. You cannot be ill, or one of your
people would certainly have informed me. Your conduct is so
strange that now I am more offended than grieved by it. Am
I a child that you punish me in this childish way? Perhaps
it has been a caprice on my part; but, mind, it is not the
freak of a child! It is one of those caprices which, punished
too severely, may end fatally. Antonio, don't suppose your
silence will bring me back to your side like a whipped and
famished hound. If you think you can take advantage of my
love for you, you are altogether mistaken. I will never go
back unless you call me; and whether this return is to be
soon or not for a long time, that is what we must decide
together. Either write or come to me at once. If within eight
days you have not replied, I shall not write again--not
until you have written yourself. But don't imagine that my
answer _then_ could be what it would be _now_. After all,
Antonio, we are husband and wife; we are not mere lovers who
can allow themselves jesting and nonsense, because their
passion is perhaps destined to come to nothing and to remain
for them only a memory. You and I are united by duty, and by
more serious, stronger, more tragic fetters than passion. If
I have been--let us admit it--thoughtless, romantic, even
childish, this is no reason why you should be the same. And
if you wish to be like that, I, at any rate, don't wish it
any longer. This is why I am writing to-day. This is why I
still wait. I repeat--write to me or come. We will decide
together. And now it all depends upon you whether the fault
is to be all mine or all yours, or to belong partly to us
both. I am waiting.
"REGINA."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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