Not George Washington — an Autobiographical NovelWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Not George Washington — an Autobiographical Novel
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
“Call me a drunkard, do yer?” replied Blake. “Go on. Say it again. Say
I’m a blarsted liar, won’t yer? Orlright, then I shall run away.”
And with that he wrenched himself away from me and set off towards the
Circus. He was trying to run, but his advance took the form of
semi-circular sweeps all over the pavement. He had circled off so
unexpectedly that he had gained some fifty yards before we realised
what was happening. “We must stop him,” said the Reverend.
“As I’m intoxicated,” I said, coldly (being a bit fed up with things),
“I should recommend you stopping him, Mr. Hatton.”
“I’ve done you an injustice,” said the Reverend.
“You have,” said I.
Blake was now nearing a policeman. “Stop him!” we both shouted,
starting to run forward.
The policeman brought Blake to a standstill.
“Friend of yours?” said the constable when we got up to him.
“Yes,” said the Reverend.
“You ought to look after him better,” said the constable.
“Well, really, I like that!” said the Reverend; but he caught my eye
and began laughing. “Our best plan,” he said, “is to get a four-wheeler
and go down to the Temple. There’s some supper there. What do you say?”
“I’m on,” I said, and to the Temple we accordingly journeyed.
Tom Blake was sleepy and immobile. We spread him without hindrance on a
sofa, where he snored peacefully whilst the Reverend brought eggs and a
slab of bacon out of a cupboard in the kitchen. He also brought a
frying-pan, and a bowl of fat.
“Is your cooking anything extra good?” he asked.
“No, Mr. Hatton,” I answered, rather stiff; “I’ve never cooked anything
in my life.” I may not be in a very high position in the “Moon,” but
I’ve never descended to menial’s work yet.
For about five minutes after that the Reverend was too busy to speak.
Then he said, without turning his head away from the hissing pan, “I
wish you’d do me a favour, Price.”
“Certainly,” I said.
“Look in the cupboard and see whether there are any knives, forks,
plates, and a loaf and a bit of butter, will you?”
I looked, and, sure enough, they were there.
“Yes, they’re all here,” I called to him.
“And is there a tray?”
“Yes, there’s a tray.”
“Now, it’s a funny thing that my laundress,” he shouted back, “can’t
bring in breakfast things for more than one on that particular tray.
She’s always complaining it’s too small, and says I ought to buy a
bigger one.”
“Nonsense,” I exclaimed, “she’s quite wrong about that. You watch what
I can carry in one load.” And I packed the tray with everything he had
mentioned.
“What price that?” I said, putting the whole boiling on the
sitting-room table.
The Reverend began to roar with laughter. “It’s ridiculous,” he
chuckled. “I shall tell her it’s ridiculous. She ought to be ashamed of
herself.”
Shortly after we had supper, previously having aroused Blake.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account