Political fiction; Russia -- History -- 1801-1917 -- Fiction; Russia -- Officials and employees -- Fiction
“Apollon,” I whispered in feverish haste, flinging down before him the
seven roubles which had remained all the time in my clenched fist,
“here are your wages, you see I give them to you; but for that you must
come to my rescue: bring me tea and a dozen rusks from the restaurant.
If you won’t go, you’ll make me a miserable man! You don’t know what
this woman is.... This is—everything! You may be imagining
something.... But you don’t know what that woman is! ...”
Apollon, who had already sat down to his work and put on his spectacles
again, at first glanced askance at the money without speaking or
putting down his needle; then, without paying the slightest attention
to me or making any answer, he went on busying himself with his needle,
which he had not yet threaded. I waited before him for three minutes
with my arms crossed _à la Napoléon_. My temples were moist with sweat.
I was pale, I felt it. But, thank God, he must have been moved to pity,
looking at me. Having threaded his needle he deliberately got up from
his seat, deliberately moved back his chair, deliberately took off his
spectacles, deliberately counted the money, and finally asking me over
his shoulder: “Shall I get a whole portion?” deliberately walked out of
the room. As I was going back to Liza, the thought occurred to me on
the way: shouldn’t I run away just as I was in my dressing-gown, no
matter where, and then let happen what would?
I sat down again. She looked at me uneasily. For some minutes we were
silent.
“I will kill him,” I shouted suddenly, striking the table with my fist
so that the ink spurted out of the inkstand.
“What are you saying!” she cried, starting.
“I will kill him! kill him!” I shrieked, suddenly striking the table in
absolute frenzy, and at the same time fully understanding how stupid it
was to be in such a frenzy. “You don’t know, Liza, what that torturer
is to me. He is my torturer.... He has gone now to fetch some rusks; he
...”
And suddenly I burst into tears. It was an hysterical attack. How
ashamed I felt in the midst of my sobs; but still I could not restrain
them.
She was frightened.
“What is the matter? What is wrong?” she cried, fussing about me.
“Water, give me water, over there!” I muttered in a faint voice, though
I was inwardly conscious that I could have got on very well without
water and without muttering in a faint voice. But I was, what is
called, _putting it on_, to save appearances, though the attack was a
genuine one.
She gave me water, looking at me in bewilderment. At that moment
Apollon brought in the tea. It suddenly seemed to me that this
commonplace, prosaic tea was horribly undignified and paltry after all
that had happened, and I blushed crimson. Liza looked at Apollon with
positive alarm. He went out without a glance at either of us.
“Liza, do you despise me?” I asked, looking at her fixedly, trembling
with impatience to know what she was thinking.
She was confused, and did not know what to answer.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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