clock-face it became to me; I found still, as in my younger time, matter
enough everywhere for gaping, but greatest of all, I think, while that
tense season lasted, was my wonder for the signs and portents, the quips
and cranks, the wreathed smiles, or otherwise the candid obscurations,
of our prime talker's presented visage. I set, as it were, the small
tick of my own poor watch by it--which private register would thump or
intermit in agreement with these indications. I recover it that, thanks
to the perpetual play of his sympathy and irony, confidence and scorn,
as well as to that of my own less certainly directed sensibility, he
struck me on the bad days, which were then so many, as fairly august,
cherubism and all, for sincerity of association with every light and
shade, every ebb and flow, of our Cause. Where he most shone out,
indeed, so that depression then wasn't a gloom in him but a darting
flame, was in the icy air of the attitude of the nations to us, that of
the couple, the most potent, across the sea, with which we were
especially concerned and which, as during the whole earlier half of the
War and still longer it more and more defined itself, drew from him at
once all the drolleries and all the asperities of his sarcasm. Nothing
more particularly touched me in him, I make out--for it lingers in a
light of its own--than the fashion after which he struck me as a fond
grave guardian, not so much of the memory and the ashes yet awhile, as
of the promise, in all its flower, of the sacrificial young men whom the
University connection had passed through his hands and whom he looked
out for with a tenderness of interest, a nursing pride, that was as
contagious as I could possibly have wished it. I didn't myself know the
young men, save three or four, and could only, at our distance, hold my
tongue and do them homage; never afterwards (as I even then foreknew
would be the case) missing, when I could help it, or failing to pick up,
a single brush, a scattered leaf, of their growing or their riper
legend. Certain of them whom I had neither seen nor, as they fell in
battle, was destined ever to see, have lived for me since just as
communicated images, figures created by his tone about them--which, I
admit, mightn't or needn't have mattered to me for all the years, yet
which couldn't help so doing from the moment the right touch had handed
them over to my restless claim.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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