"Of course I can," said MacShaughnassy; "I can imagine anything, and
believe anything of anybody. It is only in novels that people act
reasonably and in accordance with what might be expected of them. I knew
an old sea-captain who used to read the _Young Ladies' Journal_ in bed,
and cry over it. I knew a bookmaker who always carried Browning's poems
about with him in his pocket to study in the train. I have known a
Harley Street doctor to develop at forty-eight a sudden and overmastering
passion for switchbacks, and to spend every hour he could spare from his
practice at one or other of the exhibitions, having three-pen'orths one
after the other. I have known a book-reviewer give oranges (not poisoned
ones) to children. A man is not a character, he is a dozen characters,
one of them prominent, the other eleven more or less undeveloped. I knew
a man once, two of whose characters were of equal value, and the
consequences were peculiar."
We begged him to relate the case to us, and he did so.
"He was a Balliol man," said MacShaughnassy, "and his Christian name was
Joseph. He was a member of the 'Devonshire' at the time I knew him, and
was, I think, the most superior person I have ever met. He sneered at
the _Saturday Review_ as the pet journal of the suburban literary club;
and at the _Athenaeum_ as the trade organ of the unsuccessful writer.
Thackeray, he considered, was fairly entitled to his position of
favourite author to the cultured clerk; and Carlyle he regarded as the
exponent of the earnest artisan. Living authors he never read, but this
did not prevent his criticising them contemptuously. The only
inhabitants of the nineteenth century that he ever praised were a few
obscure French novelists, of whom nobody but himself had ever heard. He
had his own opinion about God Almighty, and objected to Heaven on account
of the strong Clapham contingent likely to be found in residence there.
Humour made him sad, and sentiment made him ill. Art irritated him and
science bored him. He despised his own family and disliked everybody
else. For exercise he yawned, and his conversation was mainly confined
to an occasional shrug.
"Nobody liked him, but everybody respected him. One felt grateful to him
for his condescension in living at all.
"One summer, I was fishing over the Norfolk Broads, and on the Bank
Holiday, thinking I would like to see the London 'Arry in his glory, I
ran over to Yarmouth. Walking along the sea-front in the evening, I
suddenly found myself confronted by four remarkably choice specimens of
the class. They were urging on their wild and erratic career arm-in-arm.
The one nearest the road was playing an unusually wheezy concertina, and
the other three were bawling out the chorus of a music-hall song, the
heroine of which appeared to be 'Hemmer.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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