Now, I cannot help asking myself, was this the intention of the
legislature--did they really mean that big people should try to
penetrate where little ones were not small enough to pass?--or was it
some piece of conciliation to the climbing boys, that they should see
their masters grilled and wasted, in revenge for “the disabilities they
had so long laboured under?” This point of great difficulty--and after
much thought and deliberation, I have come to one solution of the whole
question, and I only hope it may prove the right one. It is this. The
bill is a parable--the climbing boy, and the full-grown sweep--and the
chimney, and the householder, and the machine, are mere types which I
would interpret thus:--the householder is John Bull, a good-natured,
easy fellow, liking his ease, and studying his comfort--caring for his
dinner, and detesting smoke above all things; he wishes to have his
house neat and orderly, neither confusion nor disturbance--but his great
dread is fire; the very thought of it sets him a-trembling all over.
Now, for years past, he has remarked that the small sweeps, who mount so
glibly to the top of the flue, rarely do anything but make a noise--they
scream and shout for ten minutes, or so, and then come down, with their
eyes red, and their noses bloody, and cry themselves sick, till they get
bread-and-butter. John is worried and fretted at all this; he remembers
the time a good-sized sweep used to go up and rake down all the soot in
no time. These were the old Tory ministers, who took such wise and safe
precautions against fire, that an insurance-office was never needed.
“Not so now,” quoth John; “'od! rabbit it, they've got their climbing
boys, who are always bleating and bawling, for the neighbourhood to look
at them--and yet, devil a bit of good they do the whole time.”
And now, who are these? you would ask. I'll tell you--the “Climbing
Boys” are the Howicks, and the Clements--the Smith O'Briens and the
D'Israelis, and a host of others, scraping their way upwards, through
soot and smoke, that they may put out their heads in high places, and
cry “'weep! weep!” and well may they--they've had a dirty journey--and
black enough their hands are, I warrant you, before they got there.
To get rid of these, without offending them, John brings in his
philanthropic bill, making it penal to employ them, or to have any other
than the old legitimate sweeps, that know every turn of the flue, and
have gone up and down any time these twenty years. No new machine for
him--no Whig contrivance, to scrape the bricks and burn the house--but
the responsible full-grown sweeps--who, if the passage be narrow, have
strength to force their way, and take good care not to get dust in their
eyes in the process.
Such is my interpretation of the bill, and I only trust a discerning
public may agree with me.
A NUT FOR “THE SUBDIVISION OF LABOUR.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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